You know how I do

I call this one "The Overshadowed Banjo Boy"

2011-05-10T10:41:00.004-06:00

Quoting my friend and associate Damian, who made me aware of this video:

At first you think this is amazing because of the 8 year old playing banjo, but then you notice the fox.

It's 2011, stand up and take a look around

2011-03-08T22:41:00.004-07:00

Should we start doing these things again?

Going too far

2010-02-23T12:32:00.001-07:00

SNEEZE!

2010-02-03T11:14:00.000-07:00

Danny H. probably had something to do with these being displayed on our coffee table

2010-01-31T16:54:00.002-07:00

Don't tell me we didn't make it. We made it.

2010-01-10T23:06:00.001-07:00

Thing I will do when I graduate, part six

2009-12-14T16:20:00.001-07:00

Spy on the neighbors more.

Thing I will do when I graduate, part five

2009-12-14T15:22:00.003-07:00

Finish reading

so I can start reading

or maybe

Also, it is about damn time I finish this:

Thing I will do when I graduate, part four

2009-12-07T16:24:00.002-07:00

Work on my fitness. Perhaps I will even pump some iron so I can look kind of like this guy:

Thing I will do when I graduate, part three

2009-12-02T13:57:00.004-07:00

Finish reading this.

Because of this.

Yep,

(for those of you who hadn't heard)

Thing I will do when I graduate, part two

2009-12-02T12:21:00.004-07:00

Hang with this dude more. Perhaps even worship at his feet.

(Click the link. CLICK THE LINK.)

Thing I will do when I graduate, part one

2009-11-27T13:24:00.006-07:00

Watch Bill Murray Stripes because Ted told me to back in May, then followed up today. I want to stop disappointing him.

Can I graduate?

2009-11-20T18:48:00.008-07:00

To answer your first question, this is the second time 3EB has been featured on You Know How I Do. I like them a lot more now than I did 16 months ago. I'm always 10 years behind. I have even taken a liking to going to Pandora and listening to a "Never Let You Go" station I created. If you ever liked The Box, this is Pandora station I would recommend.

Your second question is likely something along the lines of, Can you, man?
Yeah, probably.

(I will update you soon on my life of leaving my house at 5:30 a.m. and not coming back home until 7 or 8:00 p.m., and sometimes not until 1:00 a.m.)

Say "no" to vember

2009-11-02T17:35:00.002-07:00

Part 3: the comeback

My favorite band...

2009-10-12T15:05:00.005-06:00

Yo La Tengo plays Salt Lake City this evening. I don't think I'll be going on account of it being at Urban Lounge (shows don't start until 10 or 11) and me having/getting to be at my internship at 6 a.m. tomorrow morning. Grown man business. Thrice I have seen them, though, and they have disappointed not once. Even when they played the stupid Twighlight Nights (or whatever it is called) at the Gallivan Center, it was enjoyable.

The above songs are from Yo La Tengo's most recent album, Popular Songs. It's great. After 20+ years and 15-ish albums, they still throw out quality albums with some fresh tunes, always managing to do something a little bit different.

James, I hope you listen to these and learn, and like.

Feel the rhyme

2009-10-01T15:41:00.001-06:00

and I keeps one in the chamber in case you're ponderin'

2009-09-23T11:55:00.002-06:00

Happy Labor Daylight

2009-09-06T09:28:00.000-06:00

Woof

2009-08-20T11:52:00.001-06:00

?uestlove, Spin (June 2008)

2009-08-01T10:29:00.007-06:00

"By 1996, '97, some hip-hop gatekeepers were like, 'Okay, we'll let you play some of our reindeer games.' And at that point, an underground hip-hop scene had formed, inspired by the Stretch Armstrong & Bobbito [radio] show at Columbia University. That's sort of when Rick Nichols said the only way that our music was really going to make sense was if it was contextualized and compared to something else -- we basically got to do some Moses/Noah-type shit. So we made this list of everybody in hip-hop we needed to associate ourselves with. We went to our A&R and said, 'Look, in order for us to work, we have to have a movement. This is more than just a single and the right song.' So we spent all of 1997 and all of 1998 building. That meant us going to Common saying, 'Yo, don't you wanna be on a real major, where they spend money on you?' And he's like, 'Oh yeah.' So our first priority was getting Common off [indie label] Relativity, bringing him over by any means -- that was number one. Then, [Geffen] signed Black Star, plus Mos Def and Talib Kweli separately. And D'Angelo and I had cemented our relationship, so it was starting to look like a movement. Then, the second wave of the alternative hip-hop thing arrived in 1999. A lot of it was the commercial backlash to Puffy, a lot of it was the promise of something new. Erykah Badu comes through, Jill Scott. Suddenly, we make sense."

I really can't wait for Nathaniel to come to town

2009-07-30T09:23:00.003-06:00

Can you believe these characters? Way out of line! Way out of line!

2009-07-28T10:57:00.001-06:00

Adderall, my aim is true

2009-07-26T01:37:00.005-06:00

Ah, July 26. It was ten years ago today that I landed in Canada -- one of the worst days of my life. I had just seen my family after 19 days away from them and I was now in a place that had side-wards traffic lights and big, circular bales of hay sitting on the medians of the highways. Thinking about it now, it was probably bales of weeds -- Edmonton's way of sprucing up. Anyway, I hated Edmonton for seeming so close to Utah but appearing so odd -- even though most things were similar. I hated my mission president, who suddenly became the authority figure in my life. Then, his wife told me that I needed to learn to clean out my shower with a squeegee. Yeah, a squeegee. Her tone was a bit off-putting, as well.

Over the next few months, all of that changed. It took some time, but I became a pretty good missionary. I loved my mission president, and developed a close relationship with him (aka A.P.). I came home eight years (and 15 days) ago motivated to make something of myself.

Now, my plan was to be good at school, but to kind of drag it out. I thought finishing college meant getting a career, and getting a career meant getting a boring life. But, the plan wasn't to be finishing up school as a 29-year-old. I was hoping to be done by about 26, or thereabouts. Folks who are 26 are old and boring anyway (to 21-year-old me), so I figured it'd be a great age to be finished.

My first class was a computer course. Fellow named Orgil or something taught it. He was a George McFly type, only a bit on the ornery side. Our first assigned homework was to read the first chapter of the book. A breeze, I thought to myself. Little did I know that chapters in textbooks are 48 pages long for some ridiculous reason. Still, I was going to give it the ol' College Try (literally, and I literally mean 'literally'). Twenty minutes in, I was two pages in, and I hadn't learned anything. It was frustrating. I tried a few more times, but to no avail. I strubbled, I mean 'struggled' in that class. I thought it might just be the adjustment to both being home and my first semester of college. By my third semester, though, I figured out that I probably had ADD.

I didn't do anything about it, though. There were a lot of reasons. I wanted to learn to control my mind. I didn't want to have excuses. I didn't want to be one of those people who think having a 'problem' makes them interesting. I didn't want to take a drug that in any way altered or controlled my brain. I thought that I just needed to work a little harder on focusing -- if that didn't work, then I'd see a doctor. But, I didn't know what doctor to see. Do normal doctors know how to deal with this? I also figured that this was one of those things that a lot of people went to the doctor thinking they had (as an excuse or a 'problem'), so the doctor would just brush me off or something. Also, I admit, that I was worried that I would end up NOT having ADD. Then what would I do? Did it mean I was stupid?

Anyway, I chipped away at school. I'd sign up for two or three classes and endure the ones I didn't fall behind in. Me and classes that talked bout ethos, pathos and logos lasted a month, tops. In a semester, two classes was the norm, three classes was a feat, one class was not an unheard of occurrence.

In 2005, I saw the error of my plan to take my time in school. I remember realizing this at this party at the house of these douchey acquaintances of some of my friends. They were done with school and doing what they wanted (even if those things they were doing were lame things). A graduate doesn't necessarily need a career, I learned. So, I decided to get a little more serious. And I did. My course load didn't increase, but my aim became more true.

In May 2008, my little sister graduated. That's when I got depressed. The best case scenario would have me graduating a year from that day(ended up not happening). I would be graduating at age 29. That seemed to old for someone who had been in school since 2001.

Fall semester 2008, I took two of my most difficult classes. They were they first classes I had taken that actually required the students to use the textbooks. There was no way to get by without them. I knew this about one of the classes, Mass Media Law, before it even started, so I was prepared. I worked harder than I ever had, and I struggled. I passed both, but it was torture. It was the first time in my life that I wondered if I was stupid.

Lisa (with whom I have this blog) talked me into getting tested for ADD. I hated feeling stupid, and I also figured that a married fellow needed to have all of his wits about him, so I finally went in two days before I got married.

Just as I had worried about, the doctor was skeptical. My family didn't have a (known) history of ADD, which I guess is crucial. She told me that ADD is something that doesn't just pop up, it starts affecting people when they are younger. I thought about it, and traced it back to when I was in elementary school. I just hadn't realized it until then. She still wasn't convinced. Then I mentioned two things: 1) I'm still in school and have been for eight years and 2) I spent four hours packing for my honeymoon and got practically nothing done.

That lit a fire. She pulled up two tests on her computer, and I ADD-aced them. The tests aren't really accurate assessments, but I was looking pretty severe. So, she prescribed Adderall.

I'm surprised how much things changed. Paying attention in class became possible with a little bit of effort. Studying a textbook became easy without much effort (most times). I was better at buckling down and getting my job done at work. As I mentioned, before Adderall, it took me hours to pack for vacations. A few weeks after I started on the drug, Bryton and I moved out of my old house in less than two hours. My eyes were also opened to how much I hated the way hipsters dressed. Seriously. I also was able to conclude that dudes who wear V-neck shirts are the new douchebags in the world.

Adderall is a controlled substance, though, so it isn't without its downside. Sometimes, like right now, I can't sleep. Occasionally, I am really sensitive about stupid things. Other times, I am moody. Oh, and I have a tendency to zone things out: If I am talking to somebody, or watching a show, and someone else comes and starts talking to me, I have noticed -- or they have -- that I am not at all paying attention. (I think I have improved this a lot in the last few months.)

But overall, Adderall is a pretty good drug. It doesn't automatically give me focus. I still have to work for it. After almost 29 years of my brain roaming if it wanted to, roaming around the world, it can be hard to reel it in. I need to do a lot more training of my new capacity to focus to I have less times where my mind goes nuts.

This is long, and I apologize. I've been meaning to write my little Ode to Adderall for about five months now. I knew it would end up being long, and therefore would take a lot of time to write, and that because of its length, hardly anybody would end up reading it. Oh, well. I needed to write this love letter so that Addy new my true feelings.

I've befriended my camera

2009-07-19T20:04:00.005-06:00

The kids that are hip, they wear hair on the their lip, they throw down their razors and don't give a...

2009-07-09T10:47:00.003-06:00

Mustaches probably should have stopped at irony, eh?

Wow.

2009-07-07T10:36:00.000-06:00

Ten years ago today, I went into the MTC (never to return).

Perhaps I need this show in me life

2009-07-07T10:31:00.003-06:00

I took this clip from my old house(/play)mate Danny's blog (well, one of his blogs). I have been hearing buzz from folks I know about Eastbound and Down, but this is the first I've seen of it. Though it is only 20 seconds, it is 20 seconds of killing me.

It seems like Danny McBride at his greatest doing what he does greatest.

I think I'm losing my mind this time, this time I'm losing my mind

2009-05-29T10:10:00.014-06:00

I don't want to distract from my last post, the one about my woman and I's new duo blog, but...

The Beastie Boys were on Jimmy Fallon a few nights ago, and while the interview was awkward at times the performance of "What'cha Want" with the Roots was incredible.

I've got a bit of a thing for MCA. I have since way before I even liked the Beastie Boys. Remember NBA Jam? Well, on Super Nintendo, there were secret codes that let you be the Beastie Boy of your choosing. MCA's face in early-90s video game technology looked the coolest, so I would choose him. Soon thereafter, I would hit three straight (sure) shots, and for a minute or so afterward, all of MCA's shots were accompanied by a flame trailing the ball. "He's on fire!" the video game announcer would say.

The Jimmy Fallon performance reminded me of the time when I realized the Beastie Boys were cool beyond the "Sabotage" video (and NBA Jam). It was when they were on Letterman in about 2004. Watch:

***But I didn't get any Beastie Boys albums until Lisa let me borrow all of hers except "Hello Nasty" because she doesn't like it.***

Remind me to spend some good time with you

2009-05-28T20:16:00.004-06:00

In the last two months, I have done some stuff that I haven't mentioned or posted pictures of on here. I will rectify that in the next few weeks.

My woman and I have started a side project that will keep you occupied until then -- and beyond. Take note of the fancy layout. (take note and leave note about it)

Check us out here

Here's me checking out that blog from this blog. Click the above link to see what I'm seein'.

Recouping

2009-05-26T14:44:00.003-06:00

Let's make friends with the cool kids just this once, she says

2009-05-18T10:14:00.008-06:00

My weekend, in review:
Friday was great, but it was like standing on the edge of a steep cliff -- the rest of the weekend was going to be a huge drop. When I got home from work on Friday, Lisa gave me my last birthday present, Say Hi (To Your Mom)'s latest album, 'Oohs & Aahs'. I meant to get this when it came out on March 2, but it wasn't in stock at Graywhale the two times I stopped there, and I never made my way over to Slowtrain to see if they had it. I've only stopped into Slowtrain once, so I shouldn't give the impression that I'm a frequent there. I'm on my first listen right now, so it is too early to judge the album, but I'll post some songs or something.

When my woman and I got home from a walk around Liberty, I thought my legs had seen their action for the weekend. Within 30 minutes, though, I was proven wrong, and my legs once again proved their worth. Lisa, I, Bryton and Chris walked to Desert Edge to eat food. I got a burger when I should have gotten nachos. The burger was nice, but not as good as the nachos.

Afterwards, Lisa ditched us, so we met up with Scotty at Century 16 for a viewing of Star Trek. After watching the G.I. Joe trailer, the lights turned in the theater turned on and a fellow who had an essence of being in charge asked for our attention, as if we really had a choice. He said that the projecter bulb was on the fritz, but that it would be ready to roll in 10 minutes. Less than 10 minutes later, the G.I. Joe preview started up again. I'm disappointed in what I am seeing. It looks like they made a crappy science/action movie with people who had the same name as characters in G.I. Joe.

After the preview, the lights one again went on, and they same authoritative fellow came out, and once again asked, politely, for our attention. It isn't the bulb, he told us, the problem is deeper than that. The 9:30 showing of Star Trek would not happen, but we could stick around for the 10:30 showing, which we did, and were treated to a third viewing of the G.I. Joe trailer. Luckily, Scotty bought us all drinks with caffiene to help us stay awake until 1 a.m. The movie was downright enjoyable.

The weekend was all downhill from there. I spent Saturday preparing a talk for sacrament meeting, with running some errands in between. Lisa and I both were assigned to speak. I was also supposed to prepare a lesson for Elder's Quorum, but my talk was about marriage and I didn't have enough experience to say much, therefore I stayed up all night on Saturday night trying to write my talk. I finished about 30 minutes before our talks were due. Saturday did have a bright spot, though. Jefelicious and Brookelicious were up from their beloved Utah County and wanted to eat a dinner together. We chose Ruth's Diner, and I selected to eat some kind of burger that was awesome.

Lisa's talk on forgiveness was great, mine was okay. Lisa's wasn't just great because she passed out last time she was supposed to give a talk in church and swore she never would again, but because it had excellent content and a smooth delivery. I was so proud. I prepared my lesson during Sunday School, and it ended up going pretty great. We read two stories from the book, and the rest of the time we discussed. When class ended, I was so happy that the worst day of church of my life was over.

Last night, we watched Election. In the last three weeks have been filled with great movie-watching for me. In order of when I watched them, I have viewed the House Bunny, Empire Records (which I had seen before, but I liked it more than ever this time), Gone Baby Gone, Adventureland, Star Trek and Election. I thought about putting them in order of how much I enjoyed them, but there were too many close battles. I have thoroughly enjoyed all of them. Adventureland would have been ranked number one, though. I'm trying to let some time pass before I make any bold declarations about this movie, but it is so awesome to me. Gone Baby Gone would have been number two. Question: is there anybody as good as Casey Affleck these days? Does anybody even come close? What he does in Gone Baby Gone and The Assassination of Jesse James By The Coward Robert Ford have to be two of the best performances of the decade.

(I just remembered that I also watched Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas. I didn't really like it. The part with the Wave Speech was pretty cool, though)

Anyway, here's the best scene from Election. After how awesome this girl, Jessica Campbell, was in this and in Freaks and Geeks, it surprises me that she only has had six roles in her life, and none since 2002. Apparently, she is studying anthropology in California, but that doesn't seem like something a person would choose to do.

Also, since I stayed up all night on Saturday, Lisa thinks she can tell me when to go to bed. Last night, she drugged me. I'm being real.

A vote for Marsha is a vote for all that is good in the world

2009-05-11T23:19:00.004-06:00

Marsha brought her talents out from under the bushel, as per usual, and designed a re-usable bag for the Design a Reusable Bag Contest at Smith's. Go and vote once a day so that she wins.

"It's #16061, Marsha E., SLC. It's a picture of clouds, unshnicked up." Marsh said.

I've done all the hard work for you by finding the page that her bag is on. At least, I hope this makes it easier. If not, go to square one, change the views per page to 50, make sure Smith's is selected, and sort by first name. Marsha's is on about page 23.

Don't even bother looking at the other entries. There's thousands of them, and they're all pornographic, and that's not how we want the children of the future to learn how to recycle.

The Best Day of My Life, B.L.

2009-05-05T22:03:00.016-06:00

5 May 2005

"Steve, shut the f__k up!"
On one hand, Chuck was totally justified to use such sharp words -- Steve should not be allowed to get away with this. On the other hand, though, you should never speak to a friend like that, your strong words being delivered with such sincerity.

I can't remember what Steve was singing, because I didn't even know at the time. Unlike him, my social circle for the last four months extended beyond my sister's kids, and my channel surfing reached higher than 7 and 11, or whatever channels PBS is on in the Washington D.C area. Even if I did know the words to silly kid's songs, I knew better than to sing them in a bathroom at an acoustic-enhanced high volume while dropping a deuce in the morning at a Lorraine, Ohio, Motel 6 while my jet-lagged friends were catching up on lost sleep in a time zone they were unaccustomed to. Especially Chuck. While Huggins and I arrived Tuesday night, Chuck's journey eastward was an all-night flight that didn't deliver him to us until Wednesday morning at about the exact time Huggins and I were waking up.

Wednesday didn't allow for a lot of rest time, either. We started by seeing the sights of the Nation's Capital, went to an Orioles game in Baltimore, and drove for hours until we ended up just outside of Cleveland.

"Chuck, be nice. Apologize to him," I said (nasally, if I remember correctly). Turns out, I'm big on friendliness when I am hardly awake. (Evidence has shown that I don't always have my wits about me when I am half-asleep)
It has been four years, but I remember Chuck mumbling some sort of apology or subtly showing some sort of remorse.

When I woke up an hour or so later, Steve was gone. I looked out the second floor hotel window, and his Toyota Corolla (silver) was gone. I was worried that Chuck's F-blast made him sad and he went on without us. In all the years I had known him, Steve was never ever the sensitive type, but maybe four months on the uptight east coast had made a hard man humble. Panic never set in, though, as I figured Steve would at least call, Chuck could apologize and Steve would come back. It would make things uncomfortable for the next four days, but at least we'd have a ride back to Utah.

Steve came back soon after we awoke and his feelings weren't at all hurt. I was happy to learn that the little guy still wasn't fragile. "I just went to Dunkin' Donuts and drove around by the lake," he said. I was as angry at him for not picking up doughnuts for the rest of us as Chuck was for him singing Schoolhouse Rock or whatever while we were sleeping. I communicated my anger much more maturely than Chuck -- through passive-aggressiveness, of course -- and we ended up going back to Dunkin' Donuts, where I discovered one of my mouth's favorite donuts of all-time. I can't remember all of the specifics, but it was glazed with a little bit of chocolate frosting and cream filling in the hole.

After devouring our doughnuts, we got back on the road and headed towards Detroit to see the Tigers play the Red Sox. Word on the street is things in Detroit are only getting worse, but it was weird to park in an area of almost-sky scrapers that were abandoned except for the squirrels running around in the windows.

Comerica Park (new Tiger Stadium) was as beautiful as the streets surrounding it were run-down. If not for the history and feel of Wrigley Field, Comerica would have been the best stadium we visited. The boringness of the game equaled the amount of beauty of the ballpark and the amount of barrenness of the nearby streets. Three things made the game worth it: 1) Getting the shirt to the right by filling out a credit card application on which I used Steve's address and phone number. 2) Teaming up with the fellows we hated who were sitting in the row behind us to make fun of a douchebag who showed up with a babe. ("He's as straight as a circle," were words that became the key one of them used to enter into the doors of Steve and I's hearts). 3) A fire breaking out in one of the tall buildings that were beyond the right field bleachers. The fire itself was interesting, but none of the local fans thinking it was a big deal made it hilarious. These three things and the incredible stadium were more than enough to make the Tigers-Red Sox game more than worth our time.

The rest of the day was ours, we just had to eventually end up in Chicago. Detroit is pretty close to Canada, so we decided to pay our neighbors to the north a visit. Problem is, we missed the exit ramp. We almost took a turn-off that would have taken us to an Indian Reservation. Huggins or Chuck wondered aloud, "Does that take us to Canada or an Indian Reservation?"
"I defy you to tell me the difference," I said. The crowd went wild, and the line would become my one good quip from the cross-country excursion.

So, Canada was a no-go. A few hours and an enormous traffic jam later, we found ourselves in Ann Arbor. We quickly found the University of Michigan's football field, aptly named The Big House. Due to construction on the bleachers, the entire stadium was lined with a fence. Huggins, Chuck and I climbed over the fences and entered the empty stadium, ignoring the signs that implied we weren't welcome on the premises. We ran down the stairs and onto the field, where we posed for pictures and played a few minutes of fake football. Three years and four months before Utah did it, we owned the Big House. In a text message to me today, Steve admitted that every time he sees Michigan play on television, he regrets not coming in with us.

Notre Dame was next on our hit list. It took awhile, but we ended up in South Bend, Indiana. ND's football stadium was locked up, so we couldn't repeat our Big House photo-ops, but we did spend a few hours walking around the stadium, seeing Touchdown Jesus, and pretending to be football recruits whenever students would walk by. "I could really see myself playing here," one of us would say in the midst of a passer-by.

The campus of Notre Dame is where Huggins' obsession with buildings looking like those in the movie "Skulls" got way out of control. It all started with a library in Washington D.C. and continued on with every single old building we saw. "That looks like that movie 'Skulls'," Huggins kept saying. (The next night, as we were going to sleep in Normal, Illinois, Huggins' fixation with 'Skulls' was brought up, and Chuck said, "At first, we blew it off, but then were were like, "What the hell?" -- maybe you either had to be there or completely exhausted, but we laughed for at least 20 straight minutes [probably even more] at this line. Literally -- and I mean "literally")

Our goal of finding a spot to eat on the campus of Notre Dame yielded nothing but a few short conversations with the Fighting Irish co-eds, so we headed back towards the highway, stopping at a Popeye's for some fried chicken and biscuits. We were the last customers allowed in the store, as they were closing the lobby for the night. After a few minutes of tension, a worker or one of us cracked a joke that everyone laughed at, and the rest of the wait was as pleasant as it can be for starving adventurers and workers who have to stay late to make a meal for those adventurers. Good will only goes so far, though, and they made us eat our food outside when it was done being cooked, er, fried.

We finally made it to Chicago where we spent another action-packed, joke-filled day, that would have been at the top of most Americans' Best Day Of The Year list, but for us it was merely a come-down from the greatness we experienced the day before. Four years has caused me to forget a lot of the jokes that made the day as great as it was, but I'm fairly certain that I remembered and shared the best of them. Trust me, this day was incredible.

We all later found love, and some have created kids, but at that point, and a few months or years (depending on which one of us is being referenced), Cinco de Mayo 2005 was probably the best day of our lives, and it all started with Chuck telling Steve to shut the f__k up, which to this day is still the best F-word moment of my life.

My name is Tim, I'm a lesser known character

2009-05-01T13:57:00.004-06:00

Stop laughing, Eric Flack.

My heart is smitten and withered like grass, so that I forget to eat my bread.

2009-04-26T09:38:00.010-06:00

Lisa is great at planning weddings.

Here's some photos from our photographer, Allison Cox.

Here's some propers from somebody. (Gratitudes to Krista for hipping me to this)

My woman is so great at a lot of things. I don't mean to make this sound like a Facebook update, but I love her and like being married to her.

(4/28) UPDATE: Here is some more propers.

Your child is Destiny?

2009-04-13T13:17:00.004-06:00

A fellow at worked criticized naming children after values, like Destiny, and it reminded of a story from my mission. Then, over the weekend, bad kid names were once again brought up, and Chasity was mentioned. It was then that I knew that this story needed to be told.

I had just entered a new area and we were teaching this girl who lived in a trailer (as a large portion of the town of Slave Lake did and likely still does). It was the first time I had met her. Her name was Chastity and we were giving her a brief review of what she had been taught the time before, the Law of Chastity. I was young, and was trying to impress my new companion or her or maybe just myself by mentioning things like, “this is your law, Chastity”.

Finally, after like three references, she condescendingly said, “It’s Chasity.”

I didn’t quite get it, and said, “I’m sorry, did I accidentally call you ‘Charity’ or something? Because sometimes I get the two names mixed up.”

I’m so dumb.

“No, my name is ‘Chasity,’” she said.

“Oh, so I got it right?” I said. Dumb.

“No.”

“Oh...um....” I quickly glanced at my companion, who was just looking at her. “So...I don’t get it,” was all I could think of to respond with.

“It’s Chasity, not Chastity,” she said.

“Um...those both sound the same. Can you spell it?” or I spelled it first -- with a ‘t’ after the ‘s’ and before the ‘i’, of course -- I can’t remember exactly.

Her face joined her voice in irritation. “C-H-A-S-I-T-Y.”

I paused to consider it, and it took me a few seconds to figure it out.
“Oh...Ohhhh...Chassssity.” I really held out the ‘s’ sound. “I apologize,” I said. I followed it up with, “Honest mistake, though, eh?” or some other phrase like that that essentially offered forgiveness to myself.

My companion finally stepped in and said, “Is there a time we can come back?”

She wouldn’t commit to a date, though, and we never saw her again.

Eggstremely eggsellent gift eggschange

2009-04-05T11:33:00.013-06:00

Because we are going to be out of town next weekend, and since we both had each others' gifts, Lisa and I decided to celebrate Easter last night after I got home from the Priesthood Sesh.

What's in the suitcase?

Hint:

The answer:

It's Backgammon. Lisa bought her brother a nice board for Christmas, and he and I spent a few hours a day in Walla Walla over the holidays acquaiting ourselves with this ancient game of strategy. Since then, I have wanted one something fierce. Lisa scoured the antique stores of Salt Lake to find one. I went with her on one such outing, and it is no easy task. Antique stores are messy, unorganized, and weird. In a strange way, I mean all of those descriptions as a compliment, but I also mostly don't. I can't wait to put this thing to use and I'm pretty excited to start using phrases like: inner board, outer board, bar point and bear off.

Finally, and hopefully this works, my film debut. Written, produced, directed, special effects by me. I put this in Lisa's basket:

1. The Roots - Rising Down

2009-03-29T01:30:00.008-06:00

When I first started this 'project' -- which is exactly what it has become -- three months ago, I mentioned that I initially couldn't think of many albums that I had that came out in 2008. There was one album, though, that immediately came to my mind: "Rising Down" by The Roots.

I'd be so full of cred if I could honestly say that I had been anticipating this album for a long time, and that I had been thirsting for new Roots music since the release of "Game Theory" in 2006. Truth is, though, a song from this album is what convinced me to start a friendship with ?uestlove and Black Thought. I had heard a little bit of them, mostly just clips on VH1 specials about hip-hop, and didn't quite 'get it'. So, they play their own beats and have a drummer with a nice hairdo. Good for them.

A few months before Rising Down was released, a friend of mine connected me to a video of 'Get Busy' on Youtube, and I was hooked. I must have watched it five or six times in a row. I immediately confessed my sins and asked him how to start my repentence process. I was directed towards "Things Fall Apart", and before long, I was born again. I had accepted The Roots as my hip-hop savior. I now had faith, and purchasing Rising Down only a few days after it fell showed that I also had the works (hip-hop without Roots is dead).

Besides ?uestlove's drumming, one of the great things about a Roots album is the frequent presence of three of the world's best: Mos Def, Talib Kweli and Common. Their appearances often overshadow that The Roots have one of the best rappers alive in Black Thought. ?uestlove being the face of The Roots and Mos Def, Kweli and Common (along with others like Wale and Dice Raw) lending their voices unfortunately pushes Black Thought to the background. He has to be the most underrated rapper on earth. Just watch the clip on the blog below this one of The Roots and Public Enemy performing 'Bring The Noise', and you'll see that he deserves as much proper respect as any other rapper.

'Get Busy' is my favorite track, but 'I Can't Help It' provides my favorite verse of the album. I believe it is spat by the unfortunately-named rapper, Porn, who makes a few solid contributions to "Rising Down". His verse in 'I Can't Help It' goes:

I never said I'm ready to die, but I accept it
Never said I'm ready for war, but I'm protected
I don't even know when it's comin', but I expect it
Lost all semblance of hope, so now I'm left with
Nervous conditions, addictions, in addition
to vixens that mixed in with the wrong crowd
My life is on a flight that's goin' down
My mother had an abortion for the wrong child
With the time I felt love, that's gone now
Been replaced by purple rains and some storm clouds
Misery love misery
So why make friends? Let's make some enemies
And now I got a habit that wasn't meant for me
Now I'm in a marriage that wasn't meant to be
One more reason to change identity
The cars, the crime, K's, penalties

I first fell for this verse early in the morning on my birthday last year as I was driving to meet up with Lisa. I had to keep rewinding it and replaying just this part. It is so incredible. But don't take my word for it....

The Noise: brought

2009-03-18T11:18:00.002-06:00

Public Enemy with The Roots on Jimmy Fallon:

My woman text messaged me about it and said, "It's almost too much awesomeness on one stage."

Gary Shuffield

2009-03-17T12:09:00.013-06:00

Sometimes a fellow needs to put his Pod on shuffle to be reminded to be thankful for what he's got, and that there's more to life than The Mr. T Experience and Chixdiggit.
Here's how it went (band/song):

1) Jurassic 5 - Action Satisfaction
2) Old 97's - Color Of A Lonely Heart Is Blue
3) Old 97's - Murder (Or A Heart Attack)
4) Okkervil River - Last Love Song For Now
5) The Ramones - No Go
6) Alkaline Trio - Emma
7) Run-D.M.C. - Peter Piper
8) Billy Joel - The Longest Time
9) Pavement - Chesley's Little Wrists
10) Parasites - Never Giving Up On You
11) !!! - The King's Weed
12) I Can Make A Mess Like Nobody's Business - The Kindler Burns
13) The Ramones - Pinhead
14) Caribou - Sundialing
15) Yo La Tengo - Sugarcube

2. Say Hi - The Wishes and the Glitch

2009-03-10T12:13:00.007-06:00

Alright, let's finish this. I bet these are so annoying to everyone besides me.

Two questions an intellect might ask:
1) Say Hi? Never heard of them. I've heard of Say Hi To Your Mom, what gives?
2) Hey, wait a second, didn't this technically come out in 2007?

Answers, from another intellect:
1) Same band, my friend. Say Hi To Your Mom decided to shorten their name in hopes of sounds less lame, I guess. While I will admit that the name was initially a turn off (listening to the beautiful tunes will change anybody's mind), I think they were too far in with the "to your mom" part to change it, so I still call them Say Hi To Your Mom.
2) No. Technically, it came out in 2008, but it was available through the bands website in October of 2007. I guess, really, it depends on your definition of "technically" in regard to when the album "came out". Was it when it was available, or when it "dropped". I'm going with when it dropped.

Have you heard Say Hi To Your Mom yet? I know many have, but I worry that many more have not. They are one of two bands that I want to see play every time they come to Salt Lake City (Yo La Tengo is the other), which is saying a lot as I am not in love with live music. It takes a lot of coolness to get me to go once, let alone numerous times. There's plenty of opportunities to see Say Hi To Your Mom in the SLC too, as they(/he, as Eric Ellbogen is the only consistent member) have made Kilby Court a regular stop on their tours. It seems like every fall and spring brings a visit. Say Hi To Your Mom is probably the only band who, when their set ends, I think to myself, "You know, I could have taken in two more songs." They have mastered the skill of leaving a man wanting more.

Kilby Court might not be big enough soon, and my worries about those who haven't heard Say Hi To Your Mom might be deterred as they have joined Barsuk records instead of releasing albums on their own label. In fact, their first Barsuk album, 'Oohs and Aahs' came out just last week.

On to 'The Wishes and the Glitch". It is great. Really great. Even as it is perhaps my least favorite Say Hi To Your Mom album (excluding the thus far un-heard the new release), it is still awesome. It starts with the song that might be meant to announce their move from New Jersey to Seattle, "Northwestern Girls," which, along with "Oboes Bleat And Triangles Tink", is one of the bands greatest tracks in existence. The album also features other wonderful pieces of tune like, "Back Before We Were Brittle", "Zero to Love", "Magic Beans And Truth Machines", and the best song ever written about Pac-Man, "Bluetime". From start to finish, "The Wishes and the Glitch" is a masterpiece. But don't take my word for it.....

Adventure Day 2/28

2009-03-01T14:21:00.048-07:00

On Friday, as I was about to leave work, Bryton sent me a text message asking if I was interested in going on an adventure the next day (which was yesterday [Saturday]). With my last Adventure Day being such a great success, I would be a fool to decline the offer. We didn't know where to go, but Scotty has been talking about Price a lot lately, so we decided to head down the deadly Highway 6 towards the mining town. Oddly enough, we never really made it to Price, but we got close. Close enough.

It is not meet that men should adventure without food in their stomachs, so we left my house and went to Burger King. Often, a fast food establishment will make a person wait for their food, like so:

Highway 6 has a reputation as a bit of a bad road. Some folks are attracted to bad roads, and our threesome was no different. We know that a bad road can't be changed, but they can also be survived if a person knows how to do it. The most important technique is to find some tough-looking people -- preferably on motorcycles -- and follow them into the danger. It didn't take us long to find these folks:

In their wake, we saw this:

Once the danger was passed, we pulled over at the first historical marker that we came to. Turns out, back in 1987, this stretch that we felt safe on was loaded with danger.

That's not all, either. In 1924, an infamous mine disaster happened nearby. The evolution of time has brought about a devolution of danger. Thank you, technology. Now, one can enjoy the beauty like that found in the following two photos without constantly having to look over their back.

Across the dangerous highway was coal -- "black fuel", to some. Scotty crossed. I crossed. B, though, couldn't stop thinking about the danger of Highway 6. He was scared, and contemplated not crossing.

But, in the spirit of adventure, he faced his fears and bolted across the asphault killer.

We were so proud. On to the search for coal.

Thanks, Scotty.

Want to see a rotting town? Go to Helper. These were the two good things. Sorry, Helper, I'm not trying to start a feud or anything, I just hated being within your limits.

On our way outta Helper, we stopped to use the restroom (how many Helper gas stations does one need stop at to find a restroom? Two, at least), and found and paid for these treasures:

They disappointed. Part of me wonders if we had purchased them in a different town, the treats would have been the gold they touted themselves to be.
Some adventure, so far, right? We weren't even started yet. We ended up in Wellington, at the mouth of Nine Mile Canyon. Don't let the name fool you, this canyon is actually 40 miles long. Not only that, the road through the canyon wasn't asphault. It was dirt. And you thought Highway 6 was trouble. Motorcycles don't go on dirt roads. Navigated this canyon would be in our own hands.
Should we? We all asked? Yeah, we all replied.
Besides provisions, we needed two things: a game face

(Bryton looks like a hardened criminal here. Good job, Bryton)

and some information:

What did we get ourselves into?

Things don't last in Nine Mile Canyon.

The road:

A lot of people have written their names or tried to be an artist on the walls of Nine Mile Canyon.

The sights:

Bryton's car should be celebrated for driving us through the wretched terrain. Bryton said his car can rest later, it's going where we go.

Scotty said that if he can look in it, his arm can go in it.

Four hours later, we exited the canyon

Game face off, survivor face on:

The journey wasn't quite over, though. We had to go through oil-land first.

This included a stop what we thought was a historical marker, but it was just an information site about the animals that used to live in the dry land and those that still did. For instance, prairie dogs that are either violent or amorous:

About 38 miles later, we made it to the main highway, and it couldn't have come a minute too soon. We drove into the night, victors and heroes.

3. Wale - The Mixtape About Nothing

2009-02-25T09:01:00.007-07:00

In case you are a dunce, the title and album cover for Wale's 'The Mixtape About Nothing' are inspired by that show 'Seinfeld'. If you are a dunce, don't worry, so I am. It took the third song with a soundclip from 'Seinfeld' for me to figure it out. Sure, I've never been an active watcher of the show, but COME ON.

In addition to numerous quotes from the show, 'The Mixtape About Nothing' also contains an answering machine message from Julia Louis-Dreyfus to Wale, a recording of the time Michael Richards went bigot at that comedy club (which is really eerie to listen to -- at first, most people were laughing, but soon after you could hear the shock from the crowd as they realize that he is completely melting down), the apology Michael Richards gave, and references by Wale to Mapquest and David Letterman's Top 10 list. In 'The Bmore Club Slam', he also talks about how 92Q in Baltimore won't play his songs. Then, he says, "My cousin, who plays Chris Partlow...." Having just finished season 4 of The Wire last night, this excited me more than it likely excites you.

Anyway, unless 'The Mixtape About Nothing' is an aberration, Wale is going to be one of the best rappers around. But don't take my word for it....

4. Someone Still Loves You Boris Yeltsin - Pershing

2009-02-20T14:53:00.019-07:00

I found Someone Still Loves You Boris Yeltsin's last album, "Broom", on Thanksgiving Day a couple of years ago and loved it from the start and more and more the more I listened to it. Does that sentence even work/make sense? I think it does and is grammatically accurate. I digress. So, "Broom" was great. The Top 25 Most Played playlist from my Pod is full of songs from it including a song 'Oregon Girl,' that was a little bit more poppy than the rest of the album. Which one of these things is not like the other? Why, it is 'Oregon Girl', I believe. It might not have been my favorite song on the album, but it might have been tied for my favorite song. Anyway, I thought to myself often about 'Oregon Girl', "You know, self, it would be great if Someone Still Loves You Boris Yeltsin's next album was full of songs that are more like this song than like the rest of the "Broom" album." Making a follow-up album that is similar to the most poppy song on your first(/previous) album is something that bands never seem to do. In fact, they seem to do the exact opposite, which is, take their most slow or even depressing song and make their albums like that. Then, they take the most depressing/slowest song and that more depressing/slower album and make an even more depressing/slow album. What do shampoo bottles say? Lather, rinse, repeat? Yeah, rock bands do what shampoo bottles tell them to all the time.

Last April, I pre-ordered Someone Still Loves You Boris Yeltsin's second album, 'Pershing', and got a package of things along with the compact disc: a poster, little pins, a card that allowed me to download some other songs (that included a Nirvana cover (which I haven't used [yet] because I am not very good a learning how to download stuff and put it on iTunes), and an Airhead (yes, the candy [yes, that candy still exists]).

Guess what? They pretty much did what I wanted. They made an album of Oregon Girls, pretty much. From the first 15 seconds of the first song ('Glue Girls'), it was evident, and it never really stops. It became my spring or 2008 soundtrack. Here's the rub: 'Pershing' probably isn't as good as 'Broom' (unless it is spring and 'Pershing' is your soundtrack). BUT, 'Pershing' is still great. At first, there were a few songs that I wasn't as high on, like 'Oceanographer', which sounds like a boring Beatles song. But, after taking some time away from the album and coming back, even that song is a pleasure to me.

'Pershing' was full of some of my favorite lines of 2008, (including my favorite: "Maybe I won't, but your cold eyes, baby, tell me I should be looking for love with some other girl.") and has a lot of songs where the more I listened and figured out exactly the words Someone Still Loves You Boris Yeltsin was singing, the more I liked the song (instead of the other way around, which is all too common).

Maybe you need to spend some time with 'Broom' to really love this 'Pershing'. But, what if you hate 'Broom' and then never give 'Pershing' a chance? That would be a waste of 2008's music. But don't take my word for it...........

Heads up, good deal

2009-02-18T20:00:00.001-07:00

Remember #10, Build It Up by One For The Team? You can buy it on iTunes for $5.99.

5. The Cool Kids - Bake Sale

2009-02-17T16:26:00.008-07:00

One, two, lace up my shoe. Three to the four, when I stepped out the door. Five, six, kick a little something with the Cool Kids, then we do it again.

The Cool Kids like to bring it like it was brought 20-25 years ago. Think Run DMC, Del Tha Funkee Homosapien, De La Soul and even the Beastie Boys (in fact, on the song 'One Two' the Cool Kids say, "What it is, what it is? Come check the noise, it's the new black version of the Beastie Boys"). Not that they really sound like those folks, they just have the same style: cool beats ('Mikey Rocks' tops it) accompanied by lyrics that perfectly walk the line of not taking themselves too seriously and not being too silly.

On 'Bake Sale', The Cool Kids rap about coolness (and how losers won't do something cool until other people first do it [I seriously just summed that entire song up]), proclaiming that they rock, 1988 (the year), BMX bikes, and basement parties. They also decry the hip-hop standards of bragging about rap sheets and toughness.

The album does have a few choruses that get stuck in your head, but they are the kind of choruses that annoy you the more you sing them and think about them (example: 'Gold and a Pager'). And while sometimes I'm not in the mood to listen to 'Bake Sale', it is, overall, a real nice album. But don't take my word for it.....

6. Bears - Simple Machinery

2009-02-16T14:17:00.006-07:00

Bears might not be innovative, really, and aren't at all weird or crazy, but they are dominatingly better than a lot of bands who do fulfill -- or try to fulfill -- those adjectives. (I write adjectives, but I found out on Thursday that I don't really know. We took a grammar test in my class, the editing process, and I completely bombed it. I like to think that I can put sentences together, and I probably can, but I cannot explain the components of those sentences).

See, sometimes in 'art' (one of my least favorite words), citizens of the world feel like they need to be different, or come up with gimmicks, if you will. And then members of the human race who are audience to this art think, "I've never seen this. That makes it awesome." But it doesn't necessarily. In fact, maybe it rarely does. Most of the time, it is just messy. I mean, sometimes, to me, things outside of the box are cool or interesting. Change needs to be refreshing, though. Change for the sake of change does not an improvement make. So, dear 'artists', do like Bears do and be good at doing what you do.

'Simple Machinery' is straightfoward and mellow. Their lyrics are sometimes hopeful, sometimes sugary, and sometimes a little bit down on things. The music doesn't show a lot of variance, but not to the point where it gets boring. Every single song adds to the album -- no filler here.

Besides 'Simple Machinery', Bears also had a two song release in 2008, the 'Who Knows 7"'. Surprisingly, despite only being released a few months apart, the two offerings are pretty different from each other, but both equally enjoyable (except that 'Simple Machinery' has 13 tracks and 'Who Knows 7"' only has two).

Unfortunately, Bears don't have any videos on Youtube, so the best I can do is post some links with some songs to download or listen. You can also access Bears on iTunes. I hope you take some time to check Bears out.

Culture Bully Review

I Rock Cleveland review

Myspace

Official site

The Big Day

2009-02-08T16:24:00.003-07:00

My Mexican Honeymoon, pt. 2

2009-02-05T19:11:00.002-07:00

If you are looking for a new addiction, start eating Life Saver Gummies.

My Mexican Honeymoon, pt. 1

2009-02-05T19:09:00.005-07:00

It´s funny how a lot of the music you hear in a massage parlor would also be perfect for that moment in an action movie where there is a montage of the protagonist ´figuring stuff out´.

Return of the Mack

2009-01-27T14:45:00.004-07:00

Remember this kid?

Well, in two days, he is back.

It has been a pretty good two years.

7. People Under The Stairs - Fun DMC (tie)

2009-01-25T23:41:00.005-07:00

Initially, I didn't plan to put this in the top 10, but through about five listens since I made the list, I have decided that is even more deserving than some of the albums already on the list.

While 2008 was a weak year in music overall, it was a terrific year for hip-hop (as the rest of the list will show).

Southern California hip-hop does something to me that no other music does: it makes me wish I was in the geographic area where the album takes place. Need proof? Listen to People Under The Stairs' 'Fun DMC'.

My friend who gave me this album called it a, "perfect car or party soundtrack". I can also see it being the soundtrack of summer 2009, so long as the car windows are down and BBQs are being thrown. The comment sections of their songs usually contain the word 'chill' and on a lot of the songs, it is completely appropriate. But the album is also aware of the state of hip-hop, calling out MCs who rap about the drugs the done did or sold and decrying rappers for taking themselves too seriously. If you like hip-hop or like to bob, you should try this on for size.

'Fun DMC' is solid throughout, but the best stretch of the album are tracks 12, 13 and 14 ('Critical Condition', 'The Wiz' and 'People Riddum'), but don't take my word for it......

7 days and counting down....

2009-01-24T12:44:00.002-07:00

(the real versions of this song have embedding disabled, so instead I found this dude with a uke)

7. Less Than Jake - GNV FLA

2009-01-22T12:03:00.011-07:00

Yeah, yeah, yeah....I know. Ska? Less Than Jake? Well, friend, sit back, take off your skinny jeans (they ugg), and give your favorite band in high school a chance. (by the way, Fleet Foxes isn't going to be on this list, so feel free to move along if you feel this list isn't going to be for you)

Less Than Jake might be back. From the first line in the first song, 'City of Gainesville' ("we have our master plan, bottled and canned, living in the 3-5-2."), to a solid finishing song, 'Devil In My DNA', this album delivers. LTJ said that the reason behind the album name -- which is the Gainesville airport code -- was it signified a return to their roots. Seeing as how they have always been obsessed with Gainesville, by return to their roots, I think they mostly mean a return to their musical roots. No more trying to distance themselves from being a ska band, which was unsuccessful anyway. Instead, they have re-invited their brand of fusing pop-punk with ska into their lives. And it works, as this album is better than anything Less Than Jake has had since 'Hello Rockview' or 'Losing Streak' -- depending on how you feel about 'Hello Rockview' (which, if you are like me, is an opinion that constantly changes).

Sure, Less Than Jake has had some nice songs in their three previous releases, 'Gainesville, Rock City' and 'For The Rest Of My Life' come to mind, or even that one song that played on the radio all the time back in 2004 that was the most ska thing LTJ has ever done (after research, I have found that it was called 'The Science Of Selling Yourself Short'). But their complete albums have either been boring or difficult to listen to (one song on Athem was called 'That's Why They Call It A Union' or something made me hate happiness and the thought of eternal life). This album, though, is full of songs that might be your favorites ('Does the Lion City Still Roar?', 'Malachi Richter's Liquor's Quicker', 'The Space They Can't Touch', 'City of Gainesville', 'State of Florida').

If you ever liked Less Than Jake, I think you'll like GNV FLA. It doesn't sound like 'Pezcore', and I don't even think they have that in them anymore (though, have you listened to that album in the last five years? it hasn't really held up), and it also isn't like 'Losing Streak', but there is something about GNV FLA that almost reaches the level of those albums. Maybe it is better that it isn't much like those two albums, because it is something you can enjoy because is it good right now, not because it reminds you of 1996, 1997 and 1998.

GNV FLA also has some addictive horn parts, no better displayed than on the best song on the album, 'Abandon Ship'. But don't take my word for it.....

8. Dressy Bessy - Holler and Stomp

2009-01-11T09:58:00.005-07:00

This is a good album. It is kind of similar to 'Blame It On Gravity' by the Old 97s in that the songs on it don't quite measure up to the band's body of work, but the difference is, 'Holler and Stomp' isn't quite as much of a fall-off as 'Blame It On Gravity'. Unlike the latest Old 97s album (#9 on this list, by the way), I could see some of these songs being included in a Dressy Bessy best-of album, especially since this album gets a little bit (albeit a tiny tiny bit) better with every listen.

One important thing about Dressy Bessy: singer/frontgirl Tammy Ealom seems like real cool girl. I usually have a hard time with bands who have girl singers. I'm hoping-slash-pretty sure that it isn't because I am sexist. Let me clarify a bit before moving on: I have a hard time liking bands who make fast and/or loud songs who have girls singers. Girls are excellent at the slower, pretty songs. Maybe we should also add a 'rock' band description, because there are some good woman singers of dancey type music. So, to break it down: I don't usually like fast-slash-loud rock bands with girl singers.

Okay. The reason why, is because they seem have a hard time finding their voice, both lyrically and sonically (this is the least dumb word I could think of to put here). Or at least it seems to me, you might feel different. Anyway, girl singers in fast-slash-loud rock bands can try too hard to be all hard, be not hard enough, or be too snotty with their lyrics and voice. It can seem like they are trying to be something they are not, which is a rock dude. Now, I'm not saying that all girls want to be like boys, and that all girl rock singers want to be like boy rock singers. It's just that music over the last quarter-century hasn't provided a lot of girl rock singers. Girls who sing don't have a lot of examples of a girl making it work by keeping it real. There are some, sure, but not a lot. Then again, it could be because I haven't heard a lot. Maybe they do exist.

Tammy Ealom is cool, though. She can write and sing lyrics that aren't bitter and aren't always angry. She seems comfortable with what/who she is. Maybe I'm just attracted to her confidence, musically. She can use the word 'honey' in reference to her man without being too sugary or sarcstic about it. She can be sugary, though, but doesn't overdo it. She can also be sarcastic, but does it without being over-the-top. She injects her girl-coolness into her songs, and the result is wonderful.

Then again, maybe boy singers have been doing it wrong all along and I have just been conditioned to like how things are.

I couldn't find any videos from 'Holler and Stomp', so you'll just have to take my word for it. But, here is an older song of Dressy Bessy's:

9. Old 97s - Blame It On Gravity

2009-01-07T12:35:00.012-07:00

The latest Old 97s album was tough to write about. Especially after seeing "The Breakup", wherein Jen Aniston's character makes an attempt to re-conjugate with Vince Vaughn's character by saying something like, "Hey, my friend got these tickets to the Old 97s tonight. She can't make it, so if you're interested....."

Long story short, he says he's interested, but then he never shows, adding another 30 minutes to the movie. It was frustrating, because he appears to also want to get back with that, but she broke up with him (I think. I didn't watch the first hour of the movie) so he doesn't think that she too wants to rekindle their flame. Somehow he misses that she was obviously opening a door for him. For them. He was so BACK IN. But, like I said, he never showed. She waits for most of the concert, but eventually leaves. Vince Vaughn's character lost his shot at love with Jen Aniston's character. I haven't seen a lot of Jen Aniston's stuff, but judging by the 20 or so episodes of friends I watched and her getting ditched by Brad Pitt for that lady who is like the cat lady, only with kids instead of cats, poor Jen has a hard time keeping-slash-sealing the deal with dudes.

And the Old 97s ended up being no help at all. Thanks for nothing. It was obvious that Vince Vaughn's character had interest their music, but not enough interest that Jen Aniston's character's offer of a free ticket was an offer that he could not refuse, even though the three or four songs that they showed bits of the Old 97s playing were some of their better stuff. Which is where watching this part of "The Breakup" made writing this even more difficult.

See, it reminded me of how great the Old 97s can be and that none of the songs on 'Blame It On Gravity' were Old 97s-great. It would be weird-slash-inappropriate to award something a top 10 ranking and then write about how none of the songs on the album would-slash-should make it on an Old 97s best-of album. Top 10s are supposed to be about positives, not negatives (unless, obviously, it is a 'top 10 worst' list).

And this album is good, and it seems better than the last Old 97s album ('Drag It Up', or something), which left me not wanting more (real minimal listening of that one by me; I don't even know that I listened to it all the way through).

The strength of 'Blame It On Gravity' might be its variety. There are so many different types of songs. There is a dancey tune (the aptly named 'Dance With Me'), a song where the chorus sounds almost exactly like a Pavement chorus ('I Will Remain'), a song where Rhett Miller sounds like a drunk fellow during a hangover ('Early Morning'), three slower songs that could probably be considered ballads and a song where a guy who seems to be on a ship that is going down is commiting to God that he will change his life should the good Lord spare that life ('Here's To The Halcyon'). That's seven of the thirteen songs. The other six sound like most Old 97s songs (they also might be the best songs, no offense to the others, which are also good).

The equation of quality + variety of that quality merits 'Blame It On Gravity' a spot on the You Know How I Do 2008 Top Ten Albums List (YKHID08T10AL).

It's tough to choose a favorite song to play here. I chose 'Dance With Me' only because it is the only song on Youtube that isn't merely a live recording. It should be noted that somebody named beasticular wrote in the comment section of the Youtube video: "I was in love with the old 97's until I watched this...". It's true, it isn't a great music video (in fact, the only top 10 list it would be on is one of those aforemention worst-of deals). Battlestar Galactica fans might like it, though. But don't take my word for it.....

To honor its variety, I will add one more video from 'Blame It On Gravity'. This one is the song I like most today from the album, 'No Baby I'. But don't take my word for it......

Christmas Card 2008

2008-12-23T16:20:00.004-07:00

Choose either of these holiday greetings:

MERRY CHRISTMAS, FROM ME AND MINE TO YOU AND YOURS.

or

MERRY CHRISTMAS, FROM MY HOUSE TO YOUR HOUSE.

10. One For The Team - Build It Up

2008-12-18T15:28:00.010-07:00

Sunshine.

That isn't my word to describe this album, but it is a word that I stole to describe this album. I was thinking sugary or something sweet like that, but it didn't feel right. Besides, I can see myself resorting to that word in one of the upcoming albums as I the older I get the more I like poppy, catchy tunes.

So, 'sunshine' totally fits, but not as well as 'onslaught of sunshine' fits. Also, 'build it up' doesn't really fit because this album starts already built up and never really ceases, decreases or grows (because it is already at the level of the sun, and it would be Tower of Babel-ish to think anything could go higher than that).

Good for them, One For the Team sought me out. More than a year ago, they asked me to be theirs on myspace. Sometimes I accept bands with the intent to check them out later, other times I deny them so that there is no false expectations. I did the former with one for the team. After some time has passed, they were in danger of getting axed on account of posting too many bulletins (which they still do). The day of reckoning came, but before I erased them from my life, I gave them a listen and realized that their music was exactly what I was in the mood for that day. Before long, I had puchased their album off iTunes, and here we are: me cyber-handing them a cyber trophy in cyberville.

At first, they reminded me of Tilly and the Wall without annoying songs like most TatW songs (note: when Tilly and the Wall isn't annoying, they tend to be wonderful). I guess that still holds true as there are some definite similarities, but to merely classify them as a Tilly rip-off wouldn't be quite right. They seem to be a little bit less polished than Tilly and the Wall and a little more interesting. And boy singer-girl singer instead of girl singer-girl singer. I could also see One For The Team coming up with some super non-Tilly and the Wall-esque stuff on their subsequent albums.

The album starts right off with the catchy track, 'Apples' which is also the best song on the album. But don't take my word for it....

and I'll wear glass shoes and plastic wrap, no I'll just wear my insides. You want to know who I really am? Yeah, so do I.

2008-12-17T23:20:00.021-07:00

2008 is about to become 2009, but the old year will not turn into the new one without a fight.....and a top 10 album list. I decided to do this earlier this week (or possibly later last week) and realized I couldn't think of any albums that came out in oh-eight. I finally remembered some, and they automatically made a home towards the top of this list (due to memorability, maybe). I then went through my entire iTunes list and tried to remember which of the albums I had were released in this, the year of our Lord 2008. I was able to come up with a list of about 16 good albums. Unfortunately, I didn't know a lot of those albums too well because they haven't been in heavy rotation on my Pod. See, 2008 wasn't really anybody's best year. Well, maybe it was Jim Noir's (and mine [read: engagement]), but by the time I finally figured out how to download that album, the summer was over and I think Jim Noir had a place in the summery part of my heart and I never let him into the autumn part of my life. Alas, he did not make my top 10 this year. Chalk it up to bad timing. He's great, though.

So, on with the list....

This first one would have been ranked higher, but I didn't know if it counted and I had 10 really good options. So, I will use this as the teaser to the rest of the list. This album is like showing a little leg on the side of the highway. It's a smart move, I say, to show some of your better work, but saving THE best for the end. Not that the early part of the list has anything that you wouldn't stop and pick up should you see it hitchhiking.

Anyway....

Saves the Day - The Bug Sessions.

I like Saves the Day almost as much as I like any band. But, I wonder if I like them for different reasons than everyone else who likes them. See, I think their greatest accomplishment was the 'In Reverie' album, but I was reading a few months ago that it was a huge disappointment. Huh. I guess most fans like them to be a borderline hardcore band, which I also enjoy, but the songs on 'In Reverie' are incredible. The band has a tendency to change their style between albums (and surprisingly, it always works for me), and I keep hoping for another album like that one.

'The Bug Sessions' is a nice collection of acoustic Saves the Day songs. The interesting-slash-perplexing thing about this album is that none of the acoustic versions exceed the originals. Normally, the great thing about an acoustic album is a few of the versions provide a new spin on songs that sometimes make them better than the orginals. Not here, though, but it's totally fine. The acoustic versions herein are still great. No less than a minute later, and I am taking that statement back. 'My Sweet Fracture' is better acoustically than it was on the 'Through Being Cool' album. 'Freakish' comes the next closest and I bet that if 'Nightengale' was included, the acoustic version would top the normal version. I also would have liked to hear what 'Anywhere With You' and 'Tomorrow Too Late' sound like (hopefully, there will be a The Bug Sessions, vol.2).

Tidbit: Saves the Day's singer, Chris Conley, influenced me as a writer. On the band's old website, there was a section where he would just type stuff. And I mean 'just type stuff' that popped into his head. I had never seen it done like that back in 2004, and I couldn't get enough. I don't know that I have implemented that style, but it made something click in my head and seeing such a personalized style interested me more in writing than anything had. He also writes weird/cool/possibly disturbing lyrics like the blog title and: "I know blue eyes get boring, but I'll wear dark glasses all the time. And if you want me to, I'll take a knife to my bright eyes."

This album/collection would have probably rated in the top five, but I decided to keep it out of the official top 10 because it isn't a new recording. But don't take my word for it........

(this isn't really from the album)

Albums considered that didn't quite make the cut:
Jim Noir - 'Jim Noir'
People Under the Stairs - 'Fun DMC'
Giant Panda - 'Electric Laser'
Little Brother - '...And Justus For All'
Siah and Yeshua dapoED - 'The Visualz Anthology'

Also, I haven't heard the new Ben Folds album, but it likely would have garnered a ranking.

Thanks for the free breakfast

2008-12-10T15:47:00.002-07:00

but please salt your scrambled eggs when I come around.

Nothing I say leaves this room, so don't leave because you might miss what I have to say

2008-12-09T13:21:00.003-07:00

This blog (The Blog of the People) is mired in a rut of not being posted on.

Partly, it is because being engaged and being subject to the most difficult semester possible makes it hard to exhibit quality on this blog. One thing I said when I first took over this blog is that I would never let myself get to the point where I allowed lack of quality or inequality find a home at You Know How I Do. I refuse. It just isn't worth the effort if the things on the blog show a lack of effort. I care too much about my work and my readers to put drop blog material that is far below what I expect them to expect when they read You Know How I Do. So, if I'm too busy to bring the Q, then I am too busy to even bother. You know? (how I do)

The other part is that I ran out of stuff to talk about about. Repeat everything I wrote about quality here.

School is almost over, then the comeback will be on.

If my fingers clinch too tightly, it's because I'm afraid I'll lose my grip. If I think about you nightly, it's because I'm afraid I might forget

2008-10-26T23:23:00.010-06:00

You know how sometimes bands will do that thing where the end of one track on an album will lead into another? I think it has never been done better than this:

The Impossibles from 4 Song Brick Bomb:
1) "Disintegration (Is The Best Album, Ever)"
2) "Get It + Got It = Good"

The second best execution is the Tuesday songs "So Awake" and "Too Much of Today" from their only full-length album, Freewheelin' (one of the best albums, ever). I'll warn you, these videos have no movement and the first song is but an instrumental - but it is so good it will make you go mental (trust a guy who usually doesn't like instrumentals).

Note: maybe things have improved, but iPods make putting these songs on mixdiscs tough because they have about a second break in between tracks.

I just want to fill you with regret

2008-10-25T04:20:00.003-06:00

Midtown's "Forget What You Know" goes down as one of my favorites.

Coolest football coach----->Giving Hams----->Dating tips

2008-10-23T09:50:00.003-06:00

Wikipedia:

"During his post-game press conference after the 2007 game against Texas, Leach used most of his time to rail against the officiating crew for what he felt were bad calls.[8][9] He speculated that the officials may have favored Texas because the head official lives in Austin, because they are incompetent, or possibly because the conference wants Texas to appear in a BCS bowl because of the increased appearance fees that such a bowl generates for the conference.[10][11] Jim Vertuno of the Associated Press wrote "Leach was upset officials disallowed two Tech touchdowns in the third quarter. The first was overruled when video replay clearly showed the receiver let the ball hit the ground. On the next play, a touchdown pass was negated by a holding penalty. Leach also wanted, but didn't get, a flag for roughing the quarterback."[11][12] The Lubbock Avalanche-Journal reported, "Big 12 policy prohibits coaches from commenting publicly about game officials, so Leach's actions leave him open to reprimand, fine or worse."[9] ESPN reported, "Big 12 official spokesman Bob Burda did not immediately respond to telephone messages seeking comment. Leach's rant will likely draw a fine from the league and possibly a suspension."[13]

On November 13, 2007, the Big 12 fined Leach $10,000, the largest fine in Big 12 history.[14] Leach also received a reprimand and was warned that further violations could result in suspension.[15] In a Big 12 coaches' conference call that day, Leach added that he does not regret making any of the comments.[16] Leach announced that he would appeal the fine.[17] Tech alumni and fans began raising money to aid Leach in paying the penalty in the event that it was upheld. Optionally, the proceeds raised could be used charitably.[18] So, just before Christmas 2008, Leach requested that the nearly $5,000 raised to that point be spent on 400 hams to be given free to families in Lubbock. Future donations were to go to the university or athletic department.[19] Following the 2008 Gator Bowl, in which Virginia scored twice on penalties against Tech for intentional grounding in the end zone, Leach joked, "I felt like we had a back there on the one safety, but I don't comment on officiating. I just give out hams is what I do."[20]"

On Dating

David Letterman, Rolling Stone (18 September 2008)

2008-10-21T15:32:00.001-06:00

"The Hills show I knew nothing about. When we were going to have them, I started watching the show — I don't know how many of them you've seen, but pretty soon your jaw goes slack, and you realize that something very strange is happening."

Judy, did you have the best year of your life?

2008-10-19T21:15:00.003-06:00

You Know How I Do is two. For the next 24 hours, this blog will unofficially be known as You Know How I Two.

Year one
Year two

Numbers-
Year one: 77 blogs dropped
Year two: 67 blogs dropped(not counting this here)

Since two years in blog years is a lot, I offer you this line by Talib Kweli from the Little Brother song 'Grown Man':
"A grown ass man, I stopped dressin like a teenager."

One more thing: Three more outs and the Red Sox are gone. I can't think of a better way to celebrate this holy birthday than with their season ending.

The bad thing about being on auto-pilot is I am not a plane

2008-10-13T09:24:00.014-06:00

I fancy myself an indivual -- a person who doesn't spend his days merely following the masses where'er they may go -- just like everyone else in the world. Well maybe really cool people admit they follow sometimes, but I'm not quite ready to admit that I am that cool yet.

I have been working on something lately, though, that betrays my sense of individuality. See, I've noticed that when I am a leader of a line at a stop light, I wait for somebody else to make the first move when our light turns green. It's almost like I don't believe my eyes.

Eyes: "It's green."
Me: "Maybe. Let's verify."
Eyes: "You're a pansiotic moron."
Me: "Better safe than sorry."
Eyes: "Hey, Idiot, what bad is going to happen when you follow the most basic rule of driving: green means go?"
Me: "You make a good arguement."
Eyes: "Never do it again."

But I always do it again. Mine eyes never betray me, but I constantly betray mine eyes.

Yes, this might be mostly some kind of Post-traumatic syndrome, but I think it is a bigger issue. I've become a coaster. To an extent, I have figured out how to just show up to life and survive. Instead of learning things, I merely learn how to do them.

Example one (of many): In school, I have this class that requires me to make graphs and compare means based on information. I'm great at performing these functions, but when it came time to take a test on them last week, I had no idea how to translate my outputs into an answer.

Example two (of many):For work at my new job, I have had to learn stuff on a computer. We got a new system last week, and not knowing exact things from the last program have made learning the new one difficult. Someone will say, "Oh, that's just like ______ was in the old one." This is just confusing to me. Luckily, the new system breaks down a lot (they've been called 'hiccups'), so I have had a lot of time to do things like drop his blog.

Example three (of many): I don't memorize lyrics to songs anymore. It could be because of my pod I no longer listen to albums over and over, instead setting my pod to shuffle, but I think it is because I listen to a song and then mentally move on.

Some people are afraid of robots taking over the world, I'm more afraid of becoming a robot.

So, to start myself on the road to becoming human again (goal: before I get married [so I will understand all the honeymoon stuff]), I now try to be the first one off the line at every light where I lead a line. It's what true leaders and individuals do. Green means go again. No means yes.

Don't worry

2008-10-11T10:57:00.001-06:00

I think we are going to be okay.

My morning paper has the scores, the human interest stories, and the obituaries, oh yeah

2008-09-28T23:21:00.006-06:00

Bad Religion's 'Stranger Than Fiction' is the most important album in my life.

6 May 1995.

When we got too old to have birthday parties, my folks would take us to dinner and whatever we wanted (always a movie). I can't remember where we ate, but I am betting it was Ruby River. I didn't want to see any movies, so we somehow ended up at Media Play. I went of searching while my parents were looking for whatever.

My friend Wes had lent me Stranger Than Fiction a few weeks earlier (somebody put it on a blank tape for him) and I listened to it all weekend while I was finishing a school report (that took all weekend, except the two Jazz-Rockets playoff games that I went to) while my sisters watched and re-watched a what seemed to be a real dumb movie with Whoopi Goldberg and Ray Liotta ('Corina Corina' or something) in the same room.

I thought it was a real cool album, and when I saw it at Media Play, I asked my parents if I could get it. Now, this was risky. First, they used to never just get something for no reason. When I was a few years younger, I convinced my mom to get my the new U2 album for no reason. The old man found out, and hid it away until Christmas (I got it in July) because he couldn't think of a reason for me to earn it. Second, once my pop and I went and bought me an album with money I saved. I bought Primus' Pork Soda, because I thought 'My Name is Mud' was the coolest song around. On the way home from getting Pork Soda, my dad made me stick the tape in the player and he disected every work of the song.
"Kiss him upside the cranium with an aluminum baseball bat?"
"Put him in the ground before he starts to smell?"
It ruined Pork Soda for me. I couldn't listen to it hardly at all and was so mad at myself for not getting Violent Femmes like I was considering ('Blister in the Sun' was as cool as 'My Name Is Mud').

My dad took a look at Stranger Than Fiction and saw the song titles. "Infected? What's that about?" "Nothing bad," I truthfully said. Maybe it was because of my impending birthday, but they let me get it. Thankfully, we didn't get a car with a CD player for three more years, so this album couldn't be ruined.

When we got back home that night, my sister came out and told us that my grandpa had called and said that my great grandpa had died. It was actually kind of good news. The funeral was on my birthday and it was a great birthday because I missed school and it was a cool funeral.

Two weeks later, we went to California, and that it is when I really figured out how great Stranger Than Fiction was. I had been listening to the second Stone Temple Pilots album a lot before that trip, but after the trip, I no longer had use for it.

On that trip, while up late one night, I also saw this:

(gratitudes to Bryton for the video)

Chuck Klosterman, Fargo Rock City

2008-09-24T08:43:00.000-06:00

'I honestly believe Cinderella was one of the bands who were underrated by almost everyone, except possibly fourteen-year-old girls. Maybe I don't give mall chicks enough credit; maybe it's time to admit that fourteen-year-old girls are the only people in America who truly understand what coolness is supposed to look like.'

Me vs. the Internet

2008-09-23T21:04:00.009-06:00

A few months ago, Bryton from Microsuede quipped, 'I'm always amazed by how swell life is when I shut down and put away my computer.' Reading that likely made most of you whimsically think, 'Ah, yes....life without the Internet,' then you moved on to another site and then another and another until it is time for you to go to bed.

Right now, I have two Internet windows open and am listening to iTunes. All day at work (did I mention that I have a new job? well I do), I sit in front of a computer using a program that is Internet-based and tens of times each day, I open up other windows and check my emails and blogs and boards. On the Gentle Tyrants podcast this week, Rob talked about hating his job and using his impending honeymoon as the reward-slash-break in the action to motivate him. I don't hate my job, but I use the Dubdubdub as my between work motive: complete this much and I can get back to the Web. Good for me for being a goal setter.

But what the heck? Over the last seven years, I think the Internet could be classified as an addiction of mine. I can't get enough. Free time becomes Internet time and Internet time spills into sleep time. When I use the computers up at school, study time became Internet time. Et cetera.

My first taste of this Web was back in the early 90s. My cousin had this thing called Prodigy (I think). Right now, I am resisting eliminating the preceding two lines and replacing them with, 'A thing called Prodigy was the fire starter'. To this day, all that I know about Prodigy was that it gave sports scores that I usually had to wait until the next evening for. Which, right there is a mind melter. Waiting until the evening for news? I know it happened, but I have a hard time believing it. Can you fathom living and not knowing exactly what is happening in the world until the evening after it happened (or the morning if your family subscribed to The Salt Lake Tribune)?

Hold up. This is supposed to be an anti-Internet piece....
I'll get back to it.

Sometime in the 90s, the Internet happened. It was so subtle that I can't pinpoint it. I remember sitting in my friend Doug's basement late one night and hopping on to a chat board and telling strangers that George Brett was a better third baseman than Wade Boggs or somebody. It was incredible. I had found people to discuss sports with whenever I wanted to. The next night, I told my dad about how great it was while he was barbequeing hamburgers. I told him about talking sports and his interest was lukewarm. I wanted it bad, though, so I said something that I should have known better than to say because asking was the kiss of death for me when it came to my pop during those years: 'So, I think we need Internet.' He shot it down and backed up his shots with possibly good points (bias makes the validity of his points questionable, but I will bury the hatchet and give him the benefit of the doubt). I'm not sure, but I bet that that was when I knew I was never going to makeout with a pretty girl because I never got what I needed in a reallyreally want sort of way (then again). It hurt to know that there were sports conversations happening while I was still playing regular Nintendo and watching network television.

Though my family still hasn't put cable in their television set, once I took matters into my own hands and bought a Playstation and my own TV to play it on, they upgraded their video game system, attaining the level of the original XBOX. And we got Internet. While I thought it would never happen that one night my dad told me why we didn't need it, it happened within a year or so. Unfortunately, it turned out that good sports discussions were hard to find, but there were more sites devoted to ska bands than my appetite even called for. I could hear a band on a comp(ilation), then read about them on the Web. Most times, they had already broken up because band on compilations usually don't last long. But still, I had the 411.

My Internet use didn't really go beyond ska bands, except on the rare occasion that I researched 80s TV shows or movies, until my friend James went on his mission. I obtained his email address and set one of my own up. I wish I knew what my original email address was, but I don't. In fact, I can't even tell you who my email service was through. But email was great, even if James was the only person that I emailed and most of our conversation were about the Spice Girls.

I don't know where I am going with this. Is it a boring history of the Internet or a discussion of the downfall of humanity? I think I already proved my point of the Internet quickly changing everyone's life in a span of about five years. Maybe it is time to make another point.

Okay, so anyway, I went on my mission. My old man said that somebody had set up a website for our mission, so on one of my first few days back home, I set up an email account and joined the Canada Edmonton webpage. The Internet had changed over the course of two years. The only thing the same was Yahoo!.

My post-mission boredom inspired me to find message boards devoted to college football. Finally, I found the sports discussions that I wanted. This was a horrible move, though. Message boards became a bigger part of my existence that I really want to admit. First, there were sports message boards. Then more general message boards. If not for message boards, I bet I would be done with school by now and I bet I would have done pretty well. Something about message boards grabbed me, though. I always liked discussing stuff with people, and they let me.

Message boards begat social networking sites which begat Youtubes and so on until I am sitting here with two windows open and listening to iTunes, a cluttered situation that is hard to clean up.

About a year ago, I started to realize what a slave I had become and decided to get all Harriet Tubman and free myself. For some reason, it has been extremely hard to not sit in front of a screen clicking links and hitting refresh, waiting for something to happen (and usually doesn't happen).

Here's the thing: I bet I am in the 50th-percentile of Internet addiction, and I don't think I am in denial when declare that. Really, you're probably worse.

Here's the other thing: the Internet can be pretty great. One can keep up with the news in an up-to-the-minute fashion, stay abreast of music, and learn weird stuff about famous murderers of the last century (as Lisa and I did last fall -- thank you wikipedia). One can also come into contact with good people like the aforementioned Bryton.

It's just that it all gets to be so much and too much. The Internet and cellular phones are everywhere all the time. In fact, I think the Internet has bred a new category of intelligence. You know, those kids who are always up to date on the latest youtube, the latest way to get free music and movies or the latest hilarious link. He is also probably the first person to Rick Roll you (and bless him for it). Such a kid is Internet Intelligent.

I digress. The Internet has become something that life revolves around and maybe we shouldn't let it so much. I mean, I still want you all there on gchat on the rare occasion that I am on and I will me ticked if you stop writing your blogs, but come on people, be people.

I guess what I am saying is remember sometimes what it was all like before the Internet.

Raoul

2008-09-22T00:28:00.002-06:00

If you only knew.

She's the cheese and I'm the macaroni

2008-09-04T23:36:00.014-06:00

This evening after work ended, I headed home, stopped to pick something up, finished the drive to my home, put on some nice clothes, got back into the car, picked something else up, drove some more until I reached my destination where I knocked on Lisa's door. She was asleep. Awkward.

I was nervous.

All I wanted to do was give her these:

and one of these:

I woke her up and presented my offerings and asked her a question. At first she was all:

But then she was like:

and we were totally:

And here is what we look when we are dressed up all nice (read: photo taken last weekend near Mt. Hood in Oregon):

(Engaged)
(You know how I do)

Your kisses are like Claritin.

2008-08-27T07:54:00.004-06:00

School's back. Reset.

Also, welcome to my new blog look. Look how fast it loads. Maybe you should be grateful.

I will go if you say you'll go, do you want to go?

2008-08-20T09:18:00.011-06:00

With school starting next week, Tuesday was my last day of freedom. So, using this:

and dressed like this:

I drove up Farmington-way to what fun is: Lagoon.

My main objective was to go to Lagoona Beach. I am in the midst of my second consecutive summer with a Lagoon Season Passport and I have only Lagoona Beach'd twice, once last year and again on Tuesday. Thing is, despite being shorter, waiting in lines for water slides alone is a bigger drag than solo-waiting for coasters. It's probably either because the destination isn't as fun with waterslides as it it with coasters or that one feels more exposed on account of being almost naked. Also, little kids cut in line on water slides. The first time, you just think the kid is a little messed up. The second time, you take notice. The third time, you realize kids are taking over the world. It's so messed up. A flight or two of stairs ar full of (more-than-half-nake) adults waiting in a line and these little six-to-eight year-olds just kind of weave their way throught the line until they get to the top. Each time it happened, I just pushed air out of my mouth to make a "Huh...." sound. It used to be that an older person like me used to be able to physically assault a little kid who pulled maneuvers like that. Okay, maybe times were never like that, but I can't do anything about it (besides yell, but that would just make me look prickish) and the little bastards know it.

Anyway, I've said too much.

Being alone, I decided it would be a laugh if I made myself look creepy by riding on kids rides like the Paratrooper, the OdySea, and the Deathtrap (Puff the Little Fire Dragon). The lines ended up being long enough that it wasn't worth the laugh. Except Puff the Little Fire Dragon. I straight chickened out on that one. I got there and realized that the line was so short and all it does is go around in a small circle. I just couldn't get myself to get in line with parents and their kids, despite how much I wanted to be able to blog, "I survived the Deathtrap (Puff the Little Fire Dragon)."

Anyway.

Janet, I could not be fooling you less

2008-08-20T08:16:00.013-06:00

In life, I have two things: (1) a woman and (2) a pizza stone. A few days ago, I decided to introduce the two things to each other.
And then blog about it.

This is what I looked like. I looked this way because when Lisa came over, she woke me up from a nap. A fellow needs to sleep. He also needs to wear Hawaiian shirts.

These are a few of the role players.

This here is the star player, the Larry Bird of my making pizza for Lisa.

This little fella is Lisa's pizza. She believes in a gluten-free lifestyle, so I bought some pre-made gluten-free crusts from the grocer in my neighborhood, Harmons. I packed it with olives and mushrooms, because apparently Lisa also believes in a meat-free pizza lifestyle.

When you make pizza, you have to cook it in an oven, like so:

While that cooks, I will make my pizza. This time the crust isn't pre-made, although, it is just one of those just-add-water deals. I'm starting easy and working my way up to making my own crust. That will probably happen soon because the just-add-waters are kind of gross.

"Here is your pizza, Lisa."
"Thanks, Giant."

And here is my pizza. If you are the observant type, you might be asking-slash-thinking, where is the pizza stone, man? Well, I will tell you.

So, when making pizza on a stone, one is supposed to roll out the dough on a cookie sheet or something of that ilk. First, one must dust the cookie sheet with corn meal to avoid sticking. I do this, but while shaping the dough into pizza-shape, the corn meal gets pushed to the outside edges of the pizza. This causes the pizza to stick to the cookie sheet. I tried to slide it onto the pizza stone, and even asked Lisa for her expert help, but nothing doing. There was no way to maintain the integrity of the pizza and cook it on the Stone. Being a man of integrity, I decided to just cook it on the cookie sheet and consider better options for the next time.

After the pizza, Lisa and I watched Singles. The cool part about it was this guy was in it:

Pryzbylewski.

Morgan Freeman dies

2008-08-11T16:05:00.004-06:00

Morgan Freeman isn't really dead, slikk.

(joke)

You know what's gross?

2008-08-03T23:28:00.001-06:00

Vegetables.

These men promptly escaped from a maximum security stockade in the Los Angeles underground.

2008-08-01T16:36:00.000-06:00

There's this episode of The A Team where Murdock gets kidnapped from an insane hospital by bounty hunters who want to cash in. They call him crazy, and he says, "Well, you took me from the insane ward." He escapes. While running from the bounty hunters, he sneaks into the back of the van of a veterinarian. The bounty hunters soon pull her over and search her car, but a dog in the back barks at them and they end their search there. One of the bounty hunters wants to shoot the dog, but the bounty hunter in charge says, "I don't want anymore shots fired around here." A few minutes after being spared, the veterinarian pulls over and opens up her van, pointing a gun at Murdock. She says, "I don't want to shoot you," and Murdock says, "I can tell you don't want to shoot me," and goes about his business. The girl then says, "What are you doing? I am pointing a gun at you." Murdock then cracks a joke about how it is a cap gun. He knew it all along. Him and the girl share a laugh. She asks who he is and who the bounty hunters are. Murdock answers and asks her why she didn't tell the bounty hunters he was in her van, since she knew before they even pulled her over. She tells him that it is because the dog didn't bark. "I've always found animals to be amazing judges of character." She takes him back to her house so that he can find a way to get in touch with The A Team, since their mobile phone antenna got shot out by the military while they were trying to find and save Murdock. Murdock is at her house listening to AM radio because one time Hannibal got separated from the unit in 'Nam, and he went straight to the local station and the unit heard his broadcast while driving in the jeep and saved him. The girl gives Murdock some tea. When he drinks it, she says, "I know, it is so gross." Murdock, referencing the music on the radio, says, "What's with this music? What ever happened to Van Halen, Boy George, and Frankie Goes To Hollywood?" The girl says, "Frankie Goes To Hollywood?" Murdock says, "Yeah. You'd really like them. Great beat." The girl says, "I'm embarrassed to say, but I don't really like that kind of music." Murdock replies, "What about the Rolling Stones?" She says, "Oh, I've heard of them. They had this one song I liked." When Murdock asked her which one, she said, "Norwegian Wood." Murdock corrects her, "That was the Beatles." Sensing the girl's embarrassment, he quickly changes the subject, "What do you all do for fun around her? Where does your boyfriend take you? Any nice restaurants you like that he takes you to?" The girls sheepishly tells Murdock that she doesn't have a boyfriend. "Sure you do. You have to have a boyfriend. You've got to...." Murdock stands up and sips his tea (which might be coffee -- I'm not good at telling which is which) and takes a few steps. "You should have a boyfriend....you're a really pretty girl." The girl, who is a babe, says, "I've never thought of myself as pretty." Murdock sets his hot drink on the mantle, grabs the girl, and pulls her up to the mantle, where he takes down a mirror and puts it in front of her face. "You're beautiful. I know it, and now you know it."

I played softball this year

2008-07-27T22:40:00.005-06:00

The Beekeepers season ended the way it didn't start: with a loss. We lost to the only team we had defeated and the only team that had a worse record than us. Still, though, it was a lot of fun. I was the king of getting on base due to bad fielding by our opponents. My highlights of the season were catching a ball with my bare hand that had missed my glove and making a mad dash for second after a shortstops throw to firstbase was offline. The low point of the season was missing an easy infield fly and realizing that any natural athleticism that I had has disappeared.

Beekeepers: 1-13.

Pie, oh near

2008-07-25T23:17:00.007-06:00

Here is how I celebrated (Kind of, that is. I spent most of the the day working, then trying to figure out why I couldn't set the store alarm even though I knew why, I just had to help somebody else figure out why):

(credit to the last photograph goes to Emily the Cliff)

Also, I ate a lot of delicious food.

Pep Talk

2008-07-22T15:57:00.007-06:00

I got my first massage from a man. Well, the first one that I paid for. Which, uh, makes it my first massage from a man still.

Lisa and I had the great idea of getting a pre-Project Runway massage last Wednesday. Maybe we hoped it would make us cool customers like Timmy Gunn is. Or, maybe Project Runway had not much to do with our massage, it just happened to be on that night and not start until 10 p.m..

We found that one of the mooses (what we here at You Know How I Do call them because we don't know how to spell the real word) was certified, and one was just a student. The certified mooses charge $10 more, but also give better massages. We also found that one was a girl and the other was a dude. We were trying to figure out which of us was willing to pay the extra cash. I offered, but we decided to let the gender of the certified moose be the ultimate deciding factor. If it was a boy, Lisa went with him, if it was a girl, I would.

Well, when we showed up, we didn't really have an option. A dude and a girl came out and looked at the schedule. It looked like they would decide. I had been moosed by the girl before, and she did well, so I was hoping the cards would fall that way. Alas, they did not, and I got stuck with Lars.

I wasn't totally bummed, though, because I am massage bi-curious. I have had short, 10-second man-mooses before. They didn't feel bad at all. Totally professional, you know? So, I approached my hour with Lars in a professional manner (while also repeating to myself, "Don't get a boner. Don't get a boner.").

Lars led me to my room, and attempting a soothing voice, he said, "So, uh, have you been here before?"
--Yeah.
--(looking at the body chart of what I wanted "worked")You want you legs focused on?
--Yeah, they're kind of sore.
--From riding a bike or something? (don't forget, he is using an ungenuine soothing voice)
--No, playing softball.
--Okay, well go ahead and get comfortable and we'll start you out face-down.
--Okay, thanks.

Lars was great at asking me if the pressure he was giving me was acceptable. "Yes," I would always respond. He started "working" around my armpit, and I almost started laughing. Then, I did start laughing. "A little ticklish there, I see," he said. I concurred. For some reason, he started working the other side in the same spot, probably even deeper into my armpit. The more I thought about not laughing, the more I wanted to, and finally, I did one of those loud laughs where I spit out the moisture in my mouth. I apologized, and jazz-voiced Lars responded, "It's better than screaming in pain [huh/eh/right]?" Again, I concurred.

Overall, the massage was nice. I now have a theory that men don't have to be as skilled at giving massages for it to not be a bad one. I don't know if it is bigger fingers or stronger hands, but they aren't as bad as a girl who is bad. But, a girl who is good is immeasurably better than a man who is good.

When Lars finally got to my legs, he started slapping my calves really hard. It was loud and made me laugh. It was so loud that Lisa could hear it. She said it sounded like the bation of masturs.

When the massage was over, and I was no longer naked, Lars handed me a glass of water.

--I want you to drink a lot of water after this.
--Okay, I will. Trust me. (I don't know why I needed Lars' trust, but apparently I did)
--and keep swinging that bat.

Thanks, Lars.
I almost lost it and had to turn around and load my mouth with water to keep from laughing.

I wonder what other kind of motivational snippets he hands out after moosing people.
For people who are sore from running: "Take it one stride at a time."
For those sore from their jobs: "Take a break every now and then, okay?"
From basketball: "A gentle push and a mild arch....the ol' cowhide globe will hit home."
That's all I have for now.

That girl is like a sunburn

2008-07-20T14:51:00.008-06:00

Is it safe to admit that one of those moments where a person finds out who they are happened to me because of a Third Eye Blind song? Probably not, eh, music snots?

I heard my friend Mark say, about ten times during a span of a year or so back in the early '00s, that he wanted to get in a fight. He knew that his chances in the fight were slim, and that he probably wouldn't inflict much damage on the other person's face or guts, so why even bother? "I figure I'd learn a lot about myself," he would say. He was too much of a sweetheart for any of us to offer to kick his crap in, and I reckon the rest of the world felt the same way. so, as far as I know, Mark still hasn't learned what he wanted to. But, I can see what he means.

Black eyes and broken ribs aren't too shabby of way to learn about yourself. I mean, there is the pain, and the re-and-re-telling of the story when people ask what happened to your face, but once the wounds heal and you look less pathetic, your story could get a lot better, and perhaps you would make a few more friends. Plus: lesson learned. You'd know how many punches you can take before you can't take anymore without crying and what kind of noises you make when you're getting your crap handed to you.

But....Third Eye Blind, sometimes abbreviated as 3eb according to Wikipedia? Kind of a completely shabby way to learn who you are.

I hated Third Eye Blind from the first time they entered my ears. I remember the first time I heard "Semi-Charmed Kind of Life". We were in my friend Doug's older brother Bob's car, a Geo of some sort, towards the end of the summer of 1997. By the way, have Geo's been outlawed in the lower 48? I haven't seen one since my little sister sold her Metro. I digress. So, we heard the song on the way home from watching Con Air at the theaters (Bob was our rated-R movie hook-up), and I said, "Stupid song." Bob was pissed. He'd yell at me sometimes. Like when I called Seinfeld overrated. And another time when I said something while we were watching Die Hard: With a Vengeance. Anyway, he was mad because he has been singing along. Not during the Doo doo doo, doo doo-doo doo part, but the rest of it. So, my tact was a bit off. Or, perhaps my adjective was too strong. Whichever, I was right. And Third Eye Blind (3eb) is a dumb name for a band. Their other hit songs over the next year were even lamer. I also remember Doug getting in a fight with our friend Brian later that day. It made everything with that group of friends awkward and things were never the same (which turned out to be a good thing, at least for me).

Minutes turned into hours, hours turned into days, days turned into weeks, weeks turned into months, months turned into years, and in the summer of 2002, I took a job as a delivery driver for a construction supply company. For the next almost two years, I listened to a lot of Jim Rome and a lot of radio. I tried playing tapes in the truck, but tapes didn't play as loud in that big truck and the music would be drowned out by the loudness that it took to operate a ride like that. So, radio it was. It was while listening to that radio in that truck that I heard the news of Elizabeth Smart being found, and where I realized that I had seen her and her crew less that five minutes before the cops stopped them. I also stayed abreast of top-40 radio. Ashanti was huge then. I loved those rap songs that included a girl with a nice voice spitting the chorus. I also loved the easy listening songs. My favorite song, though, was one that started off with a guitar strum, then a sythesizer, then a "Woo!". I knew it was an older song because it played on those stations that don't only play the latest hits, but I didn't know who sang it. For more than a year, I was left in the dark, because the deej would never announce who played the song after it aired.

I finally found out that the song was by Third Eye Blind. "No way," I thought. "That doesn't sound anything like "Semi-Charmed Kind of Life" and there are no hints of that 'will I GRADUATE?' song. I just can't be. The deej messed up." Soon after, I found out that it was, in fact, them.

--I can no longer like that song, I guess.
--But wait, you like(d) that song so much.
--Yeah, but 3eb.
--Still, man, you REALLY liked it. It was your favorite radio song. You even admitted that to yourself. I'm calling you on it.
--But, I like punk rock.
--You were thinking about buying whatever album that song was on.
--That's because I thought the rest of the ablum might be cool like that song is cool.
--Me too. Just because we now know that it probably isn't, though, doesn't mean you can all of the sudden hate that song.
--It doesn't?
--Nope. Not if you want to keep it real.
--Ouch.

So, on that day, "keeping it real" started to mean something. What I like is what I like. Just because stupid people or a the majority might like something, doesn't mean that I can't. Disliking something doesn't make me more interesting.

It may sound dumb, but this realization changed a lot about me. It broadened not only the music I like, but also other things like movies. (Joe Ghiz: I still think Minority Report was boring and Bourne Identity was great. I was being real that weekend.)

So, here's to you, "Never Let You Go" by Third Eye Blind. You made me better people.

"You say that I've changed. Well maybe I did. But even if I've changed. What's wrong with it?"

(sidenote: maybe Third Eye Blind, lame name and mostly lame music aside, aren't totally lame. From wikipedia: The band gained major label attention after their second demo was released in 1995, including that of Clive Davis, who invited the band to perform a showcase for Arista Records in New York City.[1] During Third Eye Blind concerts at the time, it was customary for the band to have a piñata release candy above their mosh pits, yet at the showcase for the record executives, lead singer Stephan Jenkins released live crickets from the piñata instead.

"Your attention please I've got something to share

2008-07-09T09:12:00.003-06:00

So feast your eyes upon my brand new hair
If your eyes can adjust
To the neon glare and my look of disgust

What are you seeking validation for
At the character assassination store
Their shelves are full but nothing's cheap

So pick your ego up of the floor
And inch or two but nothing more
It's a crutch you want not what you got
You're falling all over the looks you bought

The best are brought down by degrees
The rest are curiosities
Attention please! is all they understand

Drawing a crowd for some meager pay
Drawing a bead down on the weakly pray
Got to throw in your hat
Win, lose or draw you're a diplomat

You pull the act out on demand
And always have the upper hand
Be prepared for reprimand
Attention's all they understand

The best are brought down by degrees
Or killed by curiosities
Attention please! is all they understand"
-Sicko

I did get a new haircut, that part isn't bull. I also got a new camera, a Cannon Elph. I need to learn how to charge the battery, though. Maybe I should write a whole blog about buying it. I have started cooking on a George Forman Grill (the Next Grilleration, they call it [or maybe just George calls it that]. which reminds me, my friend Judy wrote this funny bit about her Grill: "I named my George Foreman grill - George. He is just a little guy, but packs a punch.").

Since I last wrote, I have been to Oregon. I know, I know, I need to post pictures. I'm getting to it....right after I get to posting pictures of searching ghost towns (or, rather, half-ghost half-pre-ghost towns) on my birthday. I have also been to Lagoon thrice. Once with Bryton, once with Nathaniel, once with Damian and Danny (roommates!), and thrice with Lisa. This weekend, I and my woman are taking a much needed restcation to Mesquite/St. George/The Vegas. Maybe my Elph will take some pictures.

But, whatever. This blog has become too much about pictures. That whole trip to Seattle thing took too long to load all those pictures on my computer, then took too long to upload on here, and now makes this blog page takes too long to load. It's bull. But, this blog also realizes the importance that pictures play in its life. Me and it have decided to just be more discretionary with the pictures.

Also, I am trying to stop swearing.

Basically, what I am saying is that I am committing myself to write more blogs. I need the writing practice. Don't believe me? Read this travesty that I dropped last week.

My girl is entrepreneur

2008-06-01T02:47:00.002-06:00

Lisa's etsy shop got featured on a Salt Lake blog that highlights hip stuff about The City. Hers are the lemon drop earrings. This link might get updated in a few days and her recognition will no longer be on top.

I can't help but feel like a proud poppa.

(Lisa explains it all better here)

"We were past the point of debating the wisdom of this move; it was already done and our only hope was to get to the other side."*

2008-05-25T01:53:00.044-06:00

Here are the pictures of my March 14 to March 17 trip to Seattle to spend dude time with Nathaniel. I know, finally, right?

The above pictures were taken with Nathaniel's camera, the below with my camera, which is really Lisa's camera. The following pictures are in alphabetical order. For more on this trip, look here or lend your ear here.

* = Hunter S. Thompson, from "Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas"

Lloyd, Lloyd, null and void

2008-05-22T23:58:00.002-06:00

I don't really think you understand what I meant when I said what I said

2008-04-23T14:09:00.006-06:00

This is the end of an instant message conversation I had with Lisa (aka me) on Monday night/Tuesday morning. It ended badly.

leland: I thin,
I'm falling aslweep
I better go to bed.
me: yeah, me too
did you read my bwog?
you don't have to if you're tired
it's all stuff you already know
leland: no
I am too tired.
me: ok
goodnight
leland: I keep falig aspee
me: aspee
leland: good night
me: bye
leland: I know, sorry.
bae wor
dab
ad
bad
bad word
me: what?
leland: goog night.
good night.
me: goodnight
leland: I keep spelingi sutff
FFFFFFFFF
me: you are funny
leland: I keep spelling tsuff woring
me: go to bed
leland: RRRRRRRRRRRRR
I can't to thids right
RRRRRRRRRRRr
me: poor tired wittle guy
leland: Good night.
bye
me: bye

(Lisa saved the convo and emailed it to me the next day)

We could do more outdoor things if we weren't so busy getting busy

2008-04-07T16:29:00.003-06:00

So, how was my trip to Seattle? Nice, thank you for asking politely. I really wanted to blog about it, and will eventually post at least pictures. See, school's just been really busy lately. And when I am not busy with school, I am getting busy with Lisa.

Anyway, until I post pictures, listen to this here. It tells most of my weekend in Seattle, anyway. (also, feel free to subsribe to that there podcast)

Quit your job and run away

2008-03-14T14:49:00.003-06:00

Me vs. Seattle, part three, starts in about an hour. This time, no girls allowed.

My girl is hip-hop

2008-03-12T13:58:00.003-06:00

I can feel it coming in the air tonight, oh Lord

2008-03-10T10:06:00.005-06:00

I wrote this on 30 March 2005, back when I blogged exclusively on myspace. Some folks have been saying unfair things about Phil Collins lately, including her. It reminded me of this blog I wrote almost three years ago.

I had what I like to call an "Easy Listening Day" on Monday. On these days I don't feel like listening to any of my albums or sports radio, instead I want to listen to the radio. And not those hip stations all your friends are talking about. Those stations that people that work in offices play. FM 100, Kozy 106.5, 97.9 The Breeze, a little bit of the B98.7. I just feel like some easy listening hits. I recognize on Monday how hard it is to listen to these stations without hearing a Phil Collins song. That dude has a lot of hits out. Some good, some bad. Interesting character. He is a short bald guy with a big head and the face of a child molester and the demeanor of a serial killer. Yet, he cranks out the hits. Oh, and he can't dance. Has anyone seen that movie he was in? He may have been in more than one, but the one I am talking about he was a criminal/family man in Ye Olde Country. It was a bit of a dark film. His wife was begging him to stop his thievery, but he felt some kind of obligation. I don't know exactly, I missed the first part and I didn't quite get it. Then one of his hits played at the end as he got arrested or escaped or something. I watched the end of this with my exgirl about a week after we broke up officially and a day before she went away for the semester a few years back. After the movie ended, we madeout for the last time. [You Know How I Do editor's note: this last part isn't supposed to sound as sad as it does. It was written as kind of a braggadocio moment. I thought about rewriting it to make is sound like I should have, but that wouldn't be fair to my 24 year-old self (and I found it hard to phrase it differently).]
Anyhoo, these "Easy Listening Days" are some of my favorites. So peaceful. You can't force a day like this, though. It has to happen.

That blog reminded me how I always like stuff I write about two years after I wrote it. I was given a missionary journal a few weeks before my mission, and I had about three entries in their that were written before the MTC that are bank.

Hurry to Murray. After all, you know this guy.

2008-03-05T10:43:00.004-07:00

Blogs these days....you know how they do. Or don't. It seems that just as getting a blog was the bombdotorg a year or so ago, ditching that blog has become the new awesome (not updated since Valentines day, only two posts this year) right now.

But not this blog, no. Don't call it a comeback, not because we've been here for years but because I don't know how great it will become. One blog, though, that has made a comeback is Nathaniel's. Nathaniel is a filthy fellow, of Gentle Tyrants Podcast fame. Which reminds me, if you are looking for a podcast that plays nice music, is funny, talks about Twin Peaks, dagwood sandwiches, movies, hittin' it, and teaches you more about Seattle and features Chris Allman sometimes, then this is the podcast for you. Also, I might be on it in a few weeks. I mean, it has maybe been mentioned in an IM conversation that I might be invited to be on it. It might be a weak podcast that week, but a dream come true for me. For those not good at connecting the dots, yes, I am going to Seattle to dude-out with Nathaniel. The weekend will be a bust if we don't end up at the Lusty Lady.

A blog that isn't so much making a comeback, as it is coming out of the blog closet is my woman Lisa's. Go and see what all my fuss is about. Last May, we decided we needed to answer the question of how long we have been dating, so we selected a date of when we started. We also wanted a day to celebrate every month. We chose March the fifth, which is today. I know I did as much in a text message this morning, but Happy 12 Months, Lisa. You are a total babe all the time.
Oh, and she also has an etsy store. I am a fashion consultant on some of the stuff she makes. It is the stuff that doesn't sell, mostly. Donate to You Know How I Do's treat fund by buying her stuff. The more money she makes, the more cookies I eat.
Oh, part two, send one up to the Lord for Lisa as she is getting plastic surgery this Friday. Not the boob or face-tightening kind (that's not how she do nor how she need to do), but the kind where they take a disgusting (hardly noticable) cyst out from above her right eye.
Lisa's really cool.

Another thing, hopefully my old friend/hair stylist Krista can have a baby soon. I mean, the impregnation has already take place, so has the waiting nine months. It's just the popping out that needs to occur.

One thing that this blog needs to know is that I moved out of my parents house. Last February. If I remember correctly, this was never officially discussed. It was always something I meant to do, but before I knew it, I was back at my folks' home after six months and two houses with two great roommates, one being Jefe, who never updates his blog anymore, but congratulations are in store as he has become engaged.

I digress. So, I finally had the funds to move out again, this time to Murray with Damian (yes, the appendix joke king) and Danny. It's pretty great. It is a bit of a struggle, though, because their jokes are so clearly much better than mine that it puts me to shame. I think I have become the quiet roommate. You know, the one that will snap at any minute, walk out the door in the middle of the night and never come back. Yup. I'll keep you abreast of that.

Again, I digress. Despite my insecurities, the new place has been nice. Me and Damian have taken to watching Band of Brothers at night and Danny and I seem to have a nice conversation every five days or so (he is also celebrating a birthday tomorrow). Oh, and so far the haven't made fun of me for not yet fully unpacking my stuff. Which reminds me, I need to pay rent.

To summarize:
Blogs are back in, haven't you heard?
Lisa: pretty.
Me and Lisa: 12 months of frenching.
Lisa: plastic surgery, not the boob kind.
Jefe, write a blog, quit being so whipped.
Me, Damian, and Danny: roommates4eva.

Literal Movie Titles

2008-02-11T09:58:00.000-07:00

Don't look now, but there is a movie coming out called Midnight Meat Train.

One comment is unnacceptable

2008-02-08T15:31:00.000-07:00

My woman rear-ended me. What more do you readers want?

The heartbeat of America

2008-02-01T16:49:00.000-07:00

From January 7th to the 24th, I was driving this:

Once I got the spacing down, it was a lot of fun. That baby does well on the open road and it was fun to drive in the snow. I would search out snow drifts so that I could plow through them. Remember that huge snowstorm on Human Rights Day? I drove up Parley's in the sumb___h with nary a problem.

Yes, for two weeks, this machine defined me. If you would have looked me up in the dictionary during that 17-day period, you'd find a different explanation than at any other time in my life. Anybody who happened to be around me probably noticed some not-so-subtle differences in my attitude. Like I had bigger muscles or something. People treat you differently when you drive something like that. Lisa said the truck suited me (her words, not mine) and did pretty much whatever I asked her to the entire time. Lucky for her, a man who drives one of those is pretty self-sufficient and doesn't ask much of his woman or anyone else.

People also remember you when you roll in a vehicle like that. One day, I had to park in a pay parking lot at school twice, and the fellow who took my money said, "Hey, weren't you just here?" So, I says to the guy, "Yeah. I didn't get here early enough to park somewhere further away." Which probably didn't surprise him, because someone in a Chevrolet like that comes and goes when he pleases.

Yup, besides the difficulty in parking that em-effer, that was a good 17 days....

"Then why aren't you driving it anymore?" you ask.

"Because it weren't mine."

"Then why were you driving it?" you inquire.

"Good question. Here's why:"

....Tuesday night, 11 December 07, I left Lisa's house to go to Becky's birthday party. Lisa was following me. "My Debutant" by Chixdiggit had just played on my Pod and "The Universal" by blur was currently playing. I pulled up to a stoplight, minding my own business. The car next to me and I both thought that our light was about to turn green, and in the anticipation, we inched forward. Instead, the turn-arrow went green, so we both stop. Next thing I know, I am getting plowed from behind by youknowwho. My back window was now lying in shattered pieces on me and on the seats of my car. My spare tire was now lying on the ground. My world would never be the same.

Here's the damage:

And the perpetrator's damage:

"We can't stop this thing from what it's going to be."

Dear Bacon: I'm serious

2008-01-23T23:18:00.000-07:00

A kid discovered some bacon some time ago. He could see it was a delicious slab of bacon, but he held off in chomping on it. For no specific reason really, he just did. The moment soon came where he couldn't wait any longer. That bacon had been making a good case for being eaten for more than a month, and it was time to cook it up in its own grease. But, when he went in for the first bite, the bacon felt cold. It was probably all that time in the refridgerator. Duh, of course it was. The kid thought he had thawed it enough, but found that he needed just a little bit more time. The kid finally got more aggressive in his thaw techniques, and that night he ate the highest quality of bacon that there is.

"Do you want to go for a ride?" he said.

2008-01-15T11:31:00.000-07:00

"Where to?" she said.

"To Smith's. I need some school supplies," he said.

"You should get one of those rotisserie chickens," she said.

"Okay," he said.

I am your girl and I will protect you

2008-01-11T15:26:00.000-07:00

The best thing about having a woman is the sweaters she buys me; sometimes randomly, other times on a celebrated holiday. The second-best thing about having a woman is making out when people aren't around. Third place is making nachos.

I know my readers, and I know they are reading this blog to see pictures of me in sweaters. And, as per usual, I will not disappoint.

Background: You will probably notice that it doesn't look very much like Christmas day in the first pictures. Good eye, Reader. It was actually 22 December when me and The Lisa exchanged our gifts on account of her going on a Christmas cruise to the Mexico. Don't feel bad for me, I took so many naps while she was gone.

I know, I know....."Bring on the sweaters!" Well, here they are:

(Here we are, showing off my sweater and the book that we both gave to each other ["What Is The What" by Dave Eggers])

(I'm trying to do a model pose in this one, but to no avail)

(look at my acne)

(Lisa, already enjoying the Common cd I got her)

(Last Saturday, Lisa went to Deseret Industries and bought that jacket for her and this sweater [and the shirt underneath] for me. Until we saw this picture, neither Lisa nor I knew that she was dating a giant)

(Look how chubby I've become.)

It isn't pornographic if you are talking about insects

2008-01-07T10:39:00.000-07:00

First day of school today.
Yesterday I wrote in the 2008 planner that Lisa gave me, "School starts, fun ends." I can't wait until this crap is over. I can't wait until the day when I sing, "No more homework, no more books. No more teacher's dirty looks," and mean it for more than just a few months. I am pretty certain that I will make a great graduated person.

This morning, when I woke up at the time that I usually go to bed, I was pretty bummed about the prospect of more education, and I half-asleep sent Lisa a text message expressing my displeasure.

Me: School, man.

Lisa: BONER KILLER.