Thursday, March 29, 2007

Pants-off Dance-off

I recently found out that people have go-to comfort items. Comfort foods, comfort movies, comfort books for example. To be straight with you, I don't know if anyone has comfort books, it just seems that three examples makes something more legitimate than two. Anyhoo, I realized that I don't I don't have any comfort stuffs. When I told the comfort items teller that I don't, they asked if I am ever sad and what I do when I am. At this point, I realized that I need to be sad more. I did think of a time I was sad almost two months ago and for comfort all I did was lay on a couch with a blanket staring at the ceiling. How light-weight is that?

My lack of comfort stuff bothered me more than my lack of sadness, even though sadness seems to be all the rage these days. I wanted a go-to comfort thing something fierce. I thought about maybe a song, and to my luck "F___ you, Aurora" by Alkaline Trio came up on my pod. I decided that was more of an anger song, and conveniently I had some anger and dedicated that song right there on the spot. Anger: eased. Impending sadness: without comfort.

My search for a comfort movie began and ended during the thought process. I just couldn't think of anything.

Reading books? Not for me. Comfort food? I want fried chicken to be eaten only when I am at my happiest. Same for every other food I like. Then I thought that maybe I would starve myself for comfort, but that sounded too much like my laying-on-the-couch-looking-at-the-ceiling approach. I was almost to the point where I was sad because I didn't have anything to accompany me in my sadness. What a trip, albeit confusing, that would have been.

Fortunately, before my lack of comfort for my sadness begat sadness, I found it: a comfort television show. Pants-off Dance-off (PODO) to be more specific.

Not much of a description is needed beyond the title, but here's one anyway. Common people - and by 'common people' I mean people who say they are actors/models, burlesque dancers, and the rare professional wrestler - dance and strip while a music video (of their choosing, I reckon) plays in the background. I think a good use for those blue screens weather(wo)men stand in front of has finally been found. Instead of strippers, the people taking off their clothes are call PANCERS. This makes it easy for one friend watching the show can say to the another, whether face-to-face or via text message, "Which pancer do you think should win?" Their opinion, as convicted as it may be, is moot, though. Such a show is not left to amateurs to decide the outcome. This isn't American Idol. No, it is decided by people who would know a good pancer from a bad pancer. Who are these giants of the social landscape of this good/sometimes great nation? Strippers. Honey and Precious, to be exact. Sometimes, the talents of Honey and Precious are even put to use. For instance, maybe a pancer has hit a dull spot in their pancing routine. Show host(ess) Willa Ford (season three host; a little research shows that season two was hosted by none other than Jodie Sweetin) calls out, "Dance Off!" and the screen splits and one of the esteem judges appears next to the pancer and gives a ten second demonstration on how to get it done. Other times, Willa Ford will see a sub-par aspect of a pancers' dance and will call for Honey or Precious to do it better. Once, a dancer did a bad booty tease and Ford wasted no time in asking for a demonstration on how to do a respectable booty tease.

Throughout the pancing, the pancer will share tidbits about themselves. Where they came from, what their day job is, what made them get into getting naked, et cetera and so forth. This does more than put a personality on that nakeder-by-the-minute person, it provides for a good laugh. Willa Ford doesn't shy away from being the one who provides that laugh. One pancer was particularly fond of her her butt and mentioned that she can hold a waterbottle in between her cheeks. Ford appeared on the screen and said, "She can hold a water bottle in butt?" then she gave a slow clap of respect. Sometimes/oftimes, the joke is the pancer themselves. One dancer was named GiGi and was wearing a Star Wars outfit, but Lisa's brother (via text message [she told him about the show upon our discovery of it and he went straightway to his TV set in Portland and started watching]) pointed out that she looked like she was in the KKK. As a side note, it took her forever to take the KKKape off. When she finally did, she had the outfit that Princess Leia wore for Jabba the Hutt. A nerd fantasy, right? Too bad she took so long to get to that point because she was only in it for about 30 seconds before she had to take off her top and the censor popped up and ended her session.

I've said too much. I don't mean to get all Reading Rainbow, but don't take my word for it. Watch it on FUSE or watch these:

I mean, look how good she is.

Tuesday, March 27, 2007

So what'cha what'cha what'cha want

from me?

Sunday, March 18, 2007


My mom TMI'd me today.

I was sitting on the couch, she was on the chair and I was was explaining that my recent symphony was brought on by something weird going on in my stomach. She just looked at me and said, "T...M...I...".

Roast on the family.

Saturday, March 10, 2007

Sometimes, every once in a while

You know how old people say, "Money doesn't grow on trees!"? Have you ever thought to yourself, "Technically, it does. Money is printed on paper and paper comes from trees...."?

Yeah, I had that thought when I was in third grade too.

Thursday, March 08, 2007

This is what democracy looks like, this is what democracy sounds like

In Hoosiers, the best basketball player in the town is Jimmy Chitwood. He stopped playing on the high school team right when a new coach (Norman Dale) was coming into town. This coach, played by Gene Hackman, bless his heart, is different from the former coach, much to the chagrin of the townfolk, bless their hearts. They hold a meeting to vote on whether or not to oust Coach Dale. Despite his best efforts, the upfront Coach Dale, bless his heart, was unable to get Jimmy Chitwood to suit up for the team. During this town meeting, after the votes had been placed but before the results had been announced, Jimmy Chitwood, bless his heart, walked into the meeting and said, "I have something to say." Jimmy Chitwood was given silence and he said, "I think it's time I start playing ball again." He then said that he would only do so if Coach Dale was kept as the head coach. He was, Jimmy played, and Hickory High beat the big boys.

Likewise, I have decided to put aside my differences with the world and start dropping blogs again. Should I say it? If only for dramatic effect? Would it give you goosebumps? Should I? Okay. I think it's time for me to start writing blogs again.

Let me get sidetracked for a few. Hoosiers is a good movie about high school sports. Want to know of a good television show about high school sports? Friday Night Lights. Dislike football? Well, lucky for you, it's about more than high school football. The movie it was based on (which was based on a book) is good, but the show is even better. I might spend more time on this, but HB Cliff did such a great job over at Replikate that I won't waste my time blatantly copycatting her. Subtle copycatting? I probably will still.

Just because I ripped Jimmy Chitwood's line doesn't mean this blog will have the same results as Hickory High's basketball team. In fact, you can count on quite the opposite. This blog has never been about high-achieving anyway. It's not how it do. Also, the reason I haven't written isn't deep or anything interesting. It is two-fold: 1) My brain hasn't been in the blogging place and even if it was, 2) I haven't been around the I (aka the Internet) enough to drop anything.


Jeff Rosso has been coming around again. He stopped into work a few weeks ago and we chatted it up again. He's really excited about my move to the big city and when I told him I was studying journalism, he said, "You're my hero. That's what I wanted to do." I responded, "You're my hero." It wasn't as creepy as it sounds. Anyway, on Tuesday as I was leaving work to go to escuela I saw him at the coffee place across the street and last night as I was leaving I saw him walking down 2100 south. I pulled up to him and offered a ride, but he politely declined. That setback aside, I think our friendship grows stronger every week.

I had the pleasure of finally seeing Say Hi To Your Mom last weekend. It's about d__n time, if you ask me. I've been perving a dish on them for nigh unto two years now and they take the time to come here at least three times a year. I like them a lot. Seriously. A few months ago, I made a girl a mix of my current three favorite bands. Who made the list? Yo La Tengo, Pavement, and, yep, Say Hi To Your Mom (if you buy one album, make it Numbers and Mumbles).

The show was great. For once in my life, I wanted the band to play more songs. Usually, my dislike of standing around beats my like of the band. They did a really good job of playing most of the songs I really wanted to hear.

That night wasn't over after the show, though. Me and Maren, bless her heart, made a wise move by heading straightway to Big Daddy's Pizza. She only ate one slice, but bought me a drink. Somehow, that worked out to be a fair deal. It's no Este, but the pizza there incredible. One can purchase a 14-incher for the small price for $6.99. "Not quite as good a deal as a Hot and Ready," you might be thinking and/or saying. "True," I'd say if I were right next to you. "But, as good as the ol' Hot and Readys are (providing they are, in fact, both hot and ready), this pizza is in a much higher class." It would be unfair to Domino's, Little Caesar's, Papa John's and Pizza Hut to compare them to it. Trust me. After pizza, we went to a hip-hop show at a joint called Johnny's on 2nd with Kung-Fu Chris, bless his heart, where we danced the pizza off. Well, Maren did. I ate too much to be burned off in one dance-a-thon.

The bands I have been listening to the most over the last few days are:
Dandy Warhhols - remember this? My mind might have changed
Le Tigre - inspired this blog's title
Marvin Gaye - This one popped up only last night because I saw a clip of an American Idol contestant who dedicated "Let's Get It On" to his dad on Best Week Ever. I hate American Idol and have boycotted it for four years now, but if stuff like this and Katharine McPhee keep happening I might have to reconsider my cause. Anyway, I listened to Marvin Gaye as I showered today. I recommend it.

Do you find the following funny?
Good Afternoon. I trust you had a good President's Day weekend. Hope you took some time to think about Mr. Lincoln and Washington. You know they were both 6'4"?!? Reminds me of some musings I have...

Old Honest Abe was a good man. Freed the slaves, kept the Union together, and could give a speech worthy of any Fourth of July. I read somewhere where the man said, " Towering genius disdains a beaten path. It seeks regions hitherto unexplored." Well, that's fine with me. I'm not going to argue with The Great Emancipator. Towering geniuses can wander where they will, but those neighbor kids better stay off my lawn!

I cannot tell a lie, I've chopped down a few trees in my time. No, no, I'm no George Washington. The Father of our Country didn't chop down that cherry tree because his boss Mr. Benson told him to. He did it because it was there. And that's what makes him great. Why, if a man with a bit of spare time on his hands looks at a cherry tree and says "I'm going to chop that down," then it only stands to reason that he will look at tyranny and say "Yessir, I'm going to chop that down too." And Mr. Washington was man enough to do both.

When I was real young I once heard FDR say over the radio that "We have nothing to fear but fear itself." He was a good man. Gave hope to a country that was pretty low and did as fine a job running the United States as any many without healthy legs could do. But I bet if FDR lived today he would say, "We have nothing to fear but fear itself and identity theft."

I just don't think it's right to take another man's name...

That reminds me, I have to be getting inside now...

then send an email to and say something like, "I want in." Be as anonymous as you want, I think. You'll get one of these a day, excluding weekends. Nobody muses on the weekends. Weekends are the things musers muse about.

This blog has served its purpose and has gone on way too long, so I will limit this section to telling you to start watching America's Next Top Model.