Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Dear Bacon: I'm serious

A kid discovered some bacon some time ago. He could see it was a delicious slab of bacon, but he held off in chomping on it. For no specific reason really, he just did. The moment soon came where he couldn't wait any longer. That bacon had been making a good case for being eaten for more than a month, and it was time to cook it up in its own grease. But, when he went in for the first bite, the bacon felt cold. It was probably all that time in the refridgerator. Duh, of course it was. The kid thought he had thawed it enough, but found that he needed just a little bit more time. The kid finally got more aggressive in his thaw techniques, and that night he ate the highest quality of bacon that there is.

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

"Do you want to go for a ride?" he said.

"Where to?" she said.

"To Smith's. I need some school supplies," he said.

"You should get one of those rotisserie chickens," she said.

"Okay," he said.

Friday, January 11, 2008

I am your girl and I will protect you

The best thing about having a woman is the sweaters she buys me; sometimes randomly, other times on a celebrated holiday. The second-best thing about having a woman is making out when people aren't around. Third place is making nachos.

I know my readers, and I know they are reading this blog to see pictures of me in sweaters. And, as per usual, I will not disappoint.

Background: You will probably notice that it doesn't look very much like Christmas day in the first pictures. Good eye, Reader. It was actually 22 December when me and The Lisa exchanged our gifts on account of her going on a Christmas cruise to the Mexico. Don't feel bad for me, I took so many naps while she was gone.

I know, I know....."Bring on the sweaters!" Well, here they are:

(Here we are, showing off my sweater and the book that we both gave to each other ["What Is The What" by Dave Eggers])

(I'm trying to do a model pose in this one, but to no avail)

(look at my acne)

(Lisa, already enjoying the Common cd I got her)

(Last Saturday, Lisa went to Deseret Industries and bought that jacket for her and this sweater [and the shirt underneath] for me. Until we saw this picture, neither Lisa nor I knew that she was dating a giant)

(Look how chubby I've become.)

Monday, January 07, 2008

It isn't pornographic if you are talking about insects

First day of school today.
Yesterday I wrote in the 2008 planner that Lisa gave me, "School starts, fun ends." I can't wait until this crap is over. I can't wait until the day when I sing, "No more homework, no more books. No more teacher's dirty looks," and mean it for more than just a few months. I am pretty certain that I will make a great graduated person.

This morning, when I woke up at the time that I usually go to bed, I was pretty bummed about the prospect of more education, and I half-asleep sent Lisa a text message expressing my displeasure.

Me: School, man.


Saturday, January 05, 2008

I am a butterfly

People keep asking me, "Who are you?" I don't know what to say besides, "Who am I in abstract? In general? I can't help but ask these questions." (If you get this crack, I will clear a special place in my heart and arteries for you.)

Who are any of us, anyway? We are people with guts and skin and crap (literally and unliterally). And, we are personalities. So, without further adieu (for the time being, at least; 2008 will be full of adieus, I think, okay?), here is your personality. Mine, actually, but yours is just a click away.

You Are An ENTP
The Visionary
You are charming, outgoing, friendly. You make a good first impression.You possess good negotiating skills and can convince anyone of anything.Happy to be the center of attention, you love to tell stories and show off.You're very clever, but not disciplined enough to do well in structured environments.
In love, you see everything as a grand adventure. You enjoy taking risks for love.And if things don't work out, you're usually not too much worse for the wear!
You would make a great entrepreneur, marketing executive, or actor.
At work, you need a lot of freedom to pursue your own path and vision. How you see yourself: Analytical, creative, and peaceful
When other people don't get you, they see you as: Detached, wishy-washy, and superficial

(giving credit where credit is due: I got this from Lisa)

Buzz words, pt. 1


om·buds·man /ˈɒmbədzmən, -ˌmæn, -bʊdz-, ˈɔm-, ɒmˈbʊdzmən, -ˌmæn, ɔm-/

a government official who hears and investigates complaints by private citizens against other officials or government agencies.
a person who investigates and attempts to resolve complaints and problems, as between employees and an employer or between students and a university.