Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Your kisses are like Claritin.

School's back. Reset.

Also, welcome to my new blog look. Look how fast it loads. Maybe you should be grateful.

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

I will go if you say you'll go, do you want to go?

With school starting next week, Tuesday was my last day of freedom. So, using this:

and dressed like this:

I drove up Farmington-way to what fun is: Lagoon.

My main objective was to go to Lagoona Beach. I am in the midst of my second consecutive summer with a Lagoon Season Passport and I have only Lagoona Beach'd twice, once last year and again on Tuesday. Thing is, despite being shorter, waiting in lines for water slides alone is a bigger drag than solo-waiting for coasters. It's probably either because the destination isn't as fun with waterslides as it it with coasters or that one feels more exposed on account of being almost naked. Also, little kids cut in line on water slides. The first time, you just think the kid is a little messed up. The second time, you take notice. The third time, you realize kids are taking over the world. It's so messed up. A flight or two of stairs ar full of (more-than-half-nake) adults waiting in a line and these little six-to-eight year-olds just kind of weave their way throught the line until they get to the top. Each time it happened, I just pushed air out of my mouth to make a "Huh...." sound. It used to be that an older person like me used to be able to physically assault a little kid who pulled maneuvers like that. Okay, maybe times were never like that, but I can't do anything about it (besides yell, but that would just make me look prickish) and the little bastards know it.

Anyway, I've said too much.

Being alone, I decided it would be a laugh if I made myself look creepy by riding on kids rides like the Paratrooper, the OdySea, and the Deathtrap (Puff the Little Fire Dragon). The lines ended up being long enough that it wasn't worth the laugh. Except Puff the Little Fire Dragon. I straight chickened out on that one. I got there and realized that the line was so short and all it does is go around in a small circle. I just couldn't get myself to get in line with parents and their kids, despite how much I wanted to be able to blog, "I survived the Deathtrap (Puff the Little Fire Dragon)."


Janet, I could not be fooling you less

In life, I have two things: (1) a woman and (2) a pizza stone. A few days ago, I decided to introduce the two things to each other.
And then blog about it.

This is what I looked like. I looked this way because when Lisa came over, she woke me up from a nap. A fellow needs to sleep. He also needs to wear Hawaiian shirts.

These are a few of the role players.

This here is the star player, the Larry Bird of my making pizza for Lisa.

This little fella is Lisa's pizza. She believes in a gluten-free lifestyle, so I bought some pre-made gluten-free crusts from the grocer in my neighborhood, Harmons. I packed it with olives and mushrooms, because apparently Lisa also believes in a meat-free pizza lifestyle.

When you make pizza, you have to cook it in an oven, like so:

While that cooks, I will make my pizza. This time the crust isn't pre-made, although, it is just one of those just-add-water deals. I'm starting easy and working my way up to making my own crust. That will probably happen soon because the just-add-waters are kind of gross.

"Here is your pizza, Lisa."
"Thanks, Giant."

And here is my pizza. If you are the observant type, you might be asking-slash-thinking, where is the pizza stone, man? Well, I will tell you.

So, when making pizza on a stone, one is supposed to roll out the dough on a cookie sheet or something of that ilk. First, one must dust the cookie sheet with corn meal to avoid sticking. I do this, but while shaping the dough into pizza-shape, the corn meal gets pushed to the outside edges of the pizza. This causes the pizza to stick to the cookie sheet. I tried to slide it onto the pizza stone, and even asked Lisa for her expert help, but nothing doing. There was no way to maintain the integrity of the pizza and cook it on the Stone. Being a man of integrity, I decided to just cook it on the cookie sheet and consider better options for the next time.

After the pizza, Lisa and I watched Singles. The cool part about it was this guy was in it:


Friday, August 01, 2008

These men promptly escaped from a maximum security stockade in the Los Angeles underground.

There's this episode of The A Team where Murdock gets kidnapped from an insane hospital by bounty hunters who want to cash in. They call him crazy, and he says, "Well, you took me from the insane ward." He escapes. While running from the bounty hunters, he sneaks into the back of the van of a veterinarian. The bounty hunters soon pull her over and search her car, but a dog in the back barks at them and they end their search there. One of the bounty hunters wants to shoot the dog, but the bounty hunter in charge says, "I don't want anymore shots fired around here." A few minutes after being spared, the veterinarian pulls over and opens up her van, pointing a gun at Murdock. She says, "I don't want to shoot you," and Murdock says, "I can tell you don't want to shoot me," and goes about his business. The girl then says, "What are you doing? I am pointing a gun at you." Murdock then cracks a joke about how it is a cap gun. He knew it all along. Him and the girl share a laugh. She asks who he is and who the bounty hunters are. Murdock answers and asks her why she didn't tell the bounty hunters he was in her van, since she knew before they even pulled her over. She tells him that it is because the dog didn't bark. "I've always found animals to be amazing judges of character." She takes him back to her house so that he can find a way to get in touch with The A Team, since their mobile phone antenna got shot out by the military while they were trying to find and save Murdock. Murdock is at her house listening to AM radio because one time Hannibal got separated from the unit in 'Nam, and he went straight to the local station and the unit heard his broadcast while driving in the jeep and saved him. The girl gives Murdock some tea. When he drinks it, she says, "I know, it is so gross." Murdock, referencing the music on the radio, says, "What's with this music? What ever happened to Van Halen, Boy George, and Frankie Goes To Hollywood?" The girl says, "Frankie Goes To Hollywood?" Murdock says, "Yeah. You'd really like them. Great beat." The girl says, "I'm embarrassed to say, but I don't really like that kind of music." Murdock replies, "What about the Rolling Stones?" She says, "Oh, I've heard of them. They had this one song I liked." When Murdock asked her which one, she said, "Norwegian Wood." Murdock corrects her, "That was the Beatles." Sensing the girl's embarrassment, he quickly changes the subject, "What do you all do for fun around her? Where does your boyfriend take you? Any nice restaurants you like that he takes you to?" The girls sheepishly tells Murdock that she doesn't have a boyfriend. "Sure you do. You have to have a boyfriend. You've got to...." Murdock stands up and sips his tea (which might be coffee -- I'm not good at telling which is which) and takes a few steps. "You should have a're a really pretty girl." The girl, who is a babe, says, "I've never thought of myself as pretty." Murdock sets his hot drink on the mantle, grabs the girl, and pulls her up to the mantle, where he takes down a mirror and puts it in front of her face. "You're beautiful. I know it, and now you know it."