Friday, December 28, 2007

It's so misconceived, but it works like a charm

Dear everybody,

Please don't send me text messages. I am working on a third consecutive day without receiving one. It is probably already a person record, but I want to see how long it goes.


Thursday, December 27, 2007

Are those Bugle Boy jeans you're wearing?

Why, yes, I did go this entire day without showering myself.

Monday, December 24, 2007

Christmas Card


God rest ye merry, readers.

the You Know How I Do staff

Sunday, December 23, 2007

Phrase of the year, year 2007

"That's what Lisa said."

Coined by either me or Nathaniel. I can't remember.

Friday, December 21, 2007

Biggest let-down, 2007

Nathaniel never becoming a tour guide for the underground tour in Seattle.

Wednesday, December 19, 2007

I owe it all to the movies. I was thinking just you and me.

One Thursday at the end of May, Lisa and I both had the day off and nothing planned. We would go to breakfast, as was our wont on shared dayoffs, but our plan to go to Bear Lake was ended by weather that wasn't warm enough for laying on a beach. So, we decided to spend the entire day (after breakfast, mind you) at the movies. We saw three with hardly a break in between. First was Shooter (surprise movie of the year). Next was Waitress. Lastly, was Fay Grimm, which was totally strange. I swear the movie completely changed itself three times. Surprisingly, the time when by quick. Before we knew it, the third movie was over. It turned out to be a great way to spend a day of leisure.

The year of our Lord 2007 turned out to be a pretty good year to spend in a movie theater, and not just in Utah. Both times I went to Seattle this year, I saw great movies in cool old theaters (Grindhouse in April and King of Kong at the end of August) with Nathaniel, who no longer blogs.

I've been compiling a list of the best movies I saw this year for about a month now. I'm hoping to trim it down to ten and then rate them in order. I want to share the candidates with you so that you can either a) add to it, or b) make a case for one of the movies to make the top 10. I don't know if your input carries any weight, but whatever, you know?

Here's the list:

King of Kong: Fistful of Quarters
Live Free or Die Hard
Rocket Science
American Gangster
Into the Wild
The Simpsons Movie
Oceans 13
Eagle vs. Shark
The Darjeeling Limited
Hot Fuzz
Knocked Up
Bourne Ultimatum

As of now, 3:10 To Yuma is not on the list, because I have only seen about 30 minutes of it. From what I saw, though, it would be in consideration for the list.

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Friday, December 14, 2007

Say, what's in this drink?

As none of you know, I spent Thanksgiving in my new favorite state in the Union, Oregon, Lisa's entire family. We flew into Portland on Wednesday night, spent the night there, ate at Thanksgiving Dinner at Salty's buffet, then, with full stomachs, drove out to the Oregon coast. Cannon Beach, to be exact. Since you like the pictures in books more than the words, here is our trip in picture form, mostly chronological (the first picture was actually the last taken but it seemed like a good opening statement).

(you might recognize this rock as the rock that the pirate ship comes from behind at the end of Goonies. This rock was right outside of our hotel room the entire time)

(What am I spelling? It is a mystery. Kind of like what Bill Murray whispered to Scarlett J. at the end of "Lost in Translation" used to be a mystery)

(Lisa's nephew Danny and myself. When he wasn't head-butting me while we were wrestling, he was admiring that we had the same shoes.)
(Danny and myself running on the beach. We're running to the sea, and we're not never coming back)
(Lisa's other nephew, Jacob. I met this kid in Walla Walla this April, and he has loved me ever since. Which is great, because he has never liked Lisa.)

(Me, Lisa, and Goonie Rock)

(Group photo with Goonie Rock in the background. Back row, from left to right: Diane [Lisa's brother's wife], BJ [Lisa's brother's wife's husband], Lisa [Lisa's brother's wife's husband's sister], and myself [Lisa's toy]. In front: Scruffy. This will most likely be the only time you see me wearing a scarf, so if you like that sort of thing then go ahead and start liking it.)

(Lisa sleeping while I am trying to watch football)

Friday, December 07, 2007

Been hoping that you'd drop in

I believe it is time for ventriloquism to get huge again this holiday season.

Wednesday, December 05, 2007

I really can't stay, I've got to go away

Tough crowd.

I went and saw 3:10 To Yuma in the last theater in Salt Lake City showing it, but Lisa got sick and I didn't even see half of it.

Monday, December 03, 2007

My gosh, your lips look delicious

Okay, I was only kidding about this blog thinking you are an ingrate. It holds no ill-will. It understands that you know of its big head, and that it keeps asking you to inflate the aforementioned big head with even more air. This ego is out of control.

Okay, I will stop refering to me as this blog and become a human again. I will also make a loose promise to not start another paragraph in this edition of this blog written by me with the word, "okay".

Did you notice how I said "no" to vember? What fortitude I can have sometimes. Truth be told, I wrote that, decided that I hated blogs, while at the same time cursing you when you did not update yours, stopped hating blogs (all a long, I knew it was a phase, anyway), had school work, decided to not blog until December 1 in order to exhibit my saying "no" moxie, and now here I am.

Unfortunately, I don't know if I will blog for another week or so. This week is the week where school becomes a dominatrix and I have leathers on my person. (Dear Lisa: Hey, what up? Don't worry, this is only a metaphor or a simile or something, okay? I still like you and you non-violent love)

School has dealt me the following cards:
1) A 4-6 page essay for my horror movie class. Seeing how until Saturday, I thought this essay was due a week from tomorrow and not tomorrow, I had to come up with the quickest topic available, and that is comparing and contrasting the move and short story of "Pit and the Pendulum" by Edgar Allen Poe. I read the story yesterday, and it was money, because it isn't anything like the movie. I am going to use the WHOWHATWHEREWHENWHYHOW of what is different as the format of my essay. I hope it is long enough. By the way, the actual story of "Pit and Pendulum" was pretty good. I think Poe liked throwing curve balls. At one time, he wrote about waking up from a potential drugging and that the presence of a light allowed him to finally see what the dungeon he was in looked like, and he described it in detail, and then he says something like, "It was hard for me to see all of this because I am strapped down to a board and lying on my back." Good one, EA Poe. Good one.
2) A radio journalism story that has to be four-minutes 30-seconds long. Think NPRish. Think hours of editing after the compiling is done. Think due on Thursday.
3) A final test for sports writing today. It shouldn't be too tough,
4) A second final in sports writing, this one challenging our 'deadline writing' skills. We don't know the topic until we show up, and we have to write 600 words before the two-hour class is over. I don't know if this will be hard or not, but I could see it going badly.
5) A final test a week from tomorrow in my horror film class. I have realized today that, while I paid the utmost attention in class, I still don't get the subtle nuances of film, like symbolism and crap. It just isn't how I'm wired. Last time I took a final for film (I've used up some of my upper division credits in the film department), I wrote my short essay on the Goldie Hawn movie, "Overboad" because I had seen it a few days earlier. I fear I won't be so lucky this time. "Overboard" isn't a horror movie, if you ask the right people.

So, that is me this week. My mom gave me some Christmas socks last night, but I don't feel right wearing them until my Christmas spirit is around, which is when school is over.


I think this blog is thinkin' you're all a bunch of ingrates

It would have shared memories with you on your birthday.

Friday, October 19, 2007

365 / 77 = 4.74

Additionally (or should I say, 'divisionally'), 77 / 365 = 0.21

What does all this mean? That it is this blog's birthday, duh. We here - together, all of us, as one, a community brought together by knowing how we do - is one-year old today.

Take a moment to ponder where this blog has taken you. Remember how I talked about Lance Armstrong in the first few posts and was dedicated to mentioning his name in every blog? (It didn't last more than a week, but still....)
What about the time I dressed like a girl? Do you recall when I was so bored I posted pictures of boring? Another time, I went to Seattle, and a week or two later took you there with me. And don't forget the zombie talk (which will probably be added to in the next month).

Where were you before this blog? I have no doubts that it has improved your quality of life. It got me a girlfriend*. It probably got you better mental health, a more physically fit body, or even eliminated temptations and habits you couldn't break otherwise. Maybe that through me getting a girlfriend, it got you a girlfriend (hint: Jefe).

So, let's take this next week to wish You Know How I Do a happy birthday with many more to come. I can think of no better way to do so than by sharing some of your favorite moments in the year of the blog. It would do the same for you.

To explain the math:
I averaged a post every 4.5-5 days.
I averaged one-fith of a post per day.

Here are some pictures, for no reason in particular.


*= it should be clarified that I didn't meet her through this blog, but I am pretty sure it is what impressed her most about me. She was always like, "You have such an attractive blog," and I was like, "Thanks." I would also be remiss if I didn't give her credit for most of the pictures posted.

Wednesday, October 03, 2007

Out of 4279

I got this idea from Krista.

I put my pod on shuffle and this is what the first ten songs were:

1. Marvin Gaye - Ain't That Peculiar
2. The Hollies - Long Dark Road
3. Jimmy Eat World - A Sunday
4. The Format - Snails
5. Dan Hartman - I Can Dream About You
6. The Lovin' Spoonful - Money
7. Fountains of Wayne - Seatbacks and Traytables
8. A Tribe Called Quest - Lyrics To Go
9. Travis - Driftwood
10. Fugazi - Waiting Room

I was kind of embarrassed by this one. It makes it look like I listen to way too much old music. I like all of the stuff on here, though. Not so much that Format song, though.

Monday, September 24, 2007

Music you need to check out. Trust me.

If I knew how to make a music blog, I think I would. Not because I think you'd think I have great taste in music (even though I think my taste in music is the best on earth), but because there are songs that I worry you aren't hearing.
Anyway, I urge you to eat some of the following:

Aesop Rock - None Shall Pass.

Aesop Rock has become, without a shadow of a doubt, my favorite MC. His voice is authoritative, his beats beat the crap, and it is well-thought-out hip-hop. The title track is my favorite, as I am always a sucker for an addictive synth line, but all the other songs are great. I'm being real. The first few times I listened to this album, every song would elicit the same response from myself to myself. Something like: wow, this might be my second favorite song. I just kind of gave up, but I think Catacomb Kids and Citronella might be the actual second faves. Seriously, this is such a great album. Aesop's best since Float.

Caribou - Andorra.

So, Hooner and Chris have this music blog. It's no Gentle Tyrants, but it has introduced me to some stuff that I love more than either Hoon or Chris. Especially this one (and Georgie James; see below). Listen to the song "Sandy" and you will be hooked. If not, you have no ears. Or, you are wasting the ears that the Lord/evolution gave you. You can even go to Antarctica Starts Here and listen to it. Still not convinced? Check out Melody Day. Or Eli. Or She's The One. Okay? Trust me.

Common - Finding Forever.

Common is cool because he had a feud with Ice Cube back when Ice Cube could throw it. And because Jeremy Piven threw a playing card in his eye - in one of the biggest cinematic experiences of my life, "Smokin' Aces" - but still had the fortitude to save Alicia Keys. And because of his song "Be" off his last album, also titled "Be". And because he seems to be more content with his life than anyone else in the world. Add this album. Truth be told, I don't know that I like it more than "Be", even though I am supposed to because "Be" was known as such a soft and sappish album, but it is still good. I can't remember it verbatim, but there is one line where he talks about being on a treadmill like OKGO. One of the great lines of all time. It's too bad that he is so down with Kanye West and that Kanye West seems to be such a great producer. Chicago seems to have something to say.

Georgie James.

No album really. You can buy their 3-song EP off of iTunes for just a few bucks. C'mon, you can spare a few dollars. You won't regret it. I also heard that they have yet another 3 or 4-song EP coming out this week or next. The best song, and the song that made me love them is "Need Your Needs" (liste here, scroll down to the bottom). "Caketown" or something is an average song (for the frugal among you: save a buck by not getting this song - though, I'm warning you, you might like it more than I do). The third song is a cover of "El Condor Pasa (If I Could)". That's right, the Simon & Garfunk hit. And it is really good. I guess the dude in Georgie James was in Q But Not U.

Trust me.

Friday, September 07, 2007

Wednesday, August 22, 2007

Tag-team championship

Girlfriends make-out and tag with you. This leaves me with an obligation to respond to her tag. (so she'll keep making out with me)

Jobs I've held...
1. Bagger/stocker/checker at Dan's Foods.
2. Receiving dock at ZCMI. This one dude we called Portly Steve was the assistant magager and he always had it out for us. Luckily, we knew which direction the cameras were pointing and we hung out where the Man couldn't see us. I have never played so much solitaire or ordered so much pizza.
3. Delivery driver for a concrete supply company. One of my bosses thought I didn't like the people I delivered to because I was Mormon and couldn't talk to them. Wrong. I didn't like them because their jokes about p___y weren't funny.
4. golf shoe salesman. It's pretty cool.

Movies I can watch over and over...
1. N
2. o
3. n
4. e
5. maybe

My Guilty Pleasures...
1. Reality TV
2. Internet message boards
3. Scratching my nuts
4. Chinese buffets

TV Shows I enjoy...
1. 24
2. Acceptable TV
3. Simpsons
4. Entourage

Places I have been on vacation...
1. Seattle, Washington (again in two weeks)
2. Washington DC/Baltimore/Detroit/Chicago/St. Louis
3. Island Park
4. South California

Favorite foods...
1. Pizza
2. doughnuts
3. stuff without onions
4. chinese buffet food

Awards I have won
1. Trophies for just playing
2. My competition soccer team won first place and we got a huge trophy for it.
3. A Christmas picture contest that got painted on the window of Jack in the Box back in second grade. They pretty much told me it is because they already had enough pictures of Rudolph painted on the windows. My picture was of Jesus (not really, it was Santa Claus).

Hobbies I enjoy...
1. watching tv
2. discussing sports
3. writing
4. swearing

Secretly, I wish I could....
1. Host a late-night talk show
2. drop 30 lbs
3. win a lottery or some s__t
4. be on Big Brother

A random thing about me...
I just barely started reading books again. In the last two years, I have read, "The Bad Guys Won", "The Outsiders", "Catcher in the Rye", and I am working on another.

Now it's my duty to "tag" people. I will have to tag the four people who actually read my blog. I hereby tag the following people:

1. Nathaniel
2. Jackie
3. Jefe
4. Sarah Jane in the City

Monday, August 13, 2007

Beards are overrated anyway

When I am done shaving my face, the worst part of my day is over with.

Wednesday, August 01, 2007

I've always thought of music as more than words and sounds, something more like inspiration, it always comes and gets me off the ground

I mentioned in March that I went and saw Say Hi To your Mom (who are now calling themselves Say Hi), but that has hardly been my only live musical venture of the ohseven. Nay, not at all. In fact, I dare say that ohsev will go down as one of my most active live musical years to date. See, I don't absolutely love with hearts live music. I'm fine with it, but I will never marry it.

This year, though (2007, for those keeping score), there have been some good show options. There was Mos Def at the University of Utah in April - see above for proof - which happened a day later than it was supposed to and then an hour later after that, but it was pretty good. You know Mos Def, he's the fellow who is scared of dogs in the Italian Job starring Mark Wahlberg. He's the fellow who messed (unneccessarily, I might add) with his voice and starred with Bruce Willis in 16 Blocks. He's the rapper who the hip hop world as been ready to give the hip-hop crown to a few times, but each time he has shied away from it, leaving Jay-Z to claim the crown through no other means that by verbally claiming it. Don't get me wrong, Jay-Z is really good. Just listen to the Black Album ("Dirt Off Your Shoulders" is on of my favorite tracks of all time). But don't listen to that one set of albums that had three volumes - not that great.

In June, there was Sage Francis. Lisa writes more about it somewhere else and I won't add much, except to say that he completely owned the crowd. I don't know if i have seen it to that extent since I listened to hardcore in the late 1990s.

July the 19 brought a free Yo La Tengo show at the Gallivan Center. What a great thing that figured to be: one of my absolute favorites for free. Unfortunately, it didn't live up to the greatness I had expected, and not because of Yo La Tengo. They did a good job of picking my favorite songs to play (Sugarcube, Stockhold Syndrome to name two). It was because of the type of crowd that shows up for a free show at an outdoor venue in the middle of downtown. I wrote this on spockwithabeard:

There is way too many people and only a small percentage seem to even care about the music. Most people are just there to drink and show cleavage.

It's such an astute observation by me. You could hear the wave of casual conversation as much as you could hear the band, even when I was towards the front and in the center.

But there is so much more in store. Labor Day weekend, I will be attending Bumbershoot. Seriously, I have my ticket to the festival and the plane. Three full days of tunes and stuff. Plus, there will some filthy times with Nathaniel.

Anyways, I hope Cindy doesn't can me. Let the record show that if she does, things will be awkward when she moves to Utah.

Friday, June 29, 2007

Goodbye, Farfour

Is it okay if I think this is one of the funniest things to happen in my life?

Saturday, June 09, 2007

My Thursday, my America

Thursday was my day off and this is how it went down:
- Woke at 9 a.m.
- Read A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius for about two hours.
- Went to breakfast at The Original Pancake House with Roommate Jefe where I had bacon pancakes and a glass of chocolate milk.
- Watched two Robert De Niro movies. 15 Minutes when I got home from breakfast and Bang the Drum Slowly before I went to bed. He dies in both.
- Watched the pilot episode of Weeds.
- Put my season pass to Lagoon to good use with Lisa. Experienced Wicked for the first time.
- Ate at Wingers (yes, with Lisa. She was so starved that she was fine with it).

"Why the blow-by-blow?" you might be inclined to ask. Well, this was a perfect example of a day of Professional Leisure. What is professional leisure? Look here.

Keep looking. It's our new blog.

Wednesday, June 06, 2007

If you need to find me this summer....

I got my Lagoon season pass yesterday. This should be the best summer of my life.

They're Grrrrrrrrrrrrreat!

Show them you're a tiger
Show them what you can do
The taste of [Kellogg's or Tony's] Frosted Flakes
Brings out the tiger in you
....AND YOU!

Wednesday, May 23, 2007

Hammer don't play that

According to Too Legit: The MC Hammer Story:
- MC Hammer and the owner of the Oakland A's were tight friends.
- MC Hammer used to rap while preaching. His wife told him he should start making music if that is what he wants to do most.
- MC Hammer recorded his first album in what looked like a wet suit.
- MC Hammer, while a bat boy for the aforementioned A's, said God told him he was going to be big-time during a three-run homer.
- MC Hammer was with Tupac the night he got shot, but sensed something sinister and decided to stay in for the night. Hammer could've been hurt that night.
- MC Hammer recorded a song that repeatedly said, "We like girls with pumps and a bump, pumps and a bump, pumps and a bump!"
- During the video for the song mentioned above, MC Hammer was wearing a speedo.
- Said video was recorded at MC Hammer's house.

Saturday, May 05, 2007

This is the second time I've come to this part of town without my nunchucks

Dear readers, haters, and betsys-

Remember that little stretch in December/earlyJanuary where I didn't post many blogs? Well, it was on account of me not being in school. We are, together (forever), about to embark on what could be a similar, albeit longer, stretch. One of the downfalls - the only downfall as far as I'm concerned - of summer vacation is a lack of access to the I (my pet name for the Internet).

Don't give up hope, though. I plan to purchase me a computer sometime soon. I'm pretty rich these days. When/if that happens, so will blogs. In fact, it could yield more blogs than ever before.

So, continue to talk bad about what has become of this blog. I don't mind. Just know that your protests won't force much change. They won't fall on deaf ears, because I will probably enjoy them, but I can only do what is possible.

I love you. Do you love me? Let's talk more.



Wednesday, May 02, 2007

Tuesday, April 24, 2007

This is what domestic disputes look like

This happened a few blocks away from my work, so I took a picture with my new phone on my way to school. I think it's pretty awesome, you should check it out. I heard it had to do with a domestic dispute, but the story says the motive is not yet known.
(click on the picture to see a larger version)

Thursday, April 19, 2007

I value you, but I want to violate you.

Don't stop reminding me that you were linked to my blog before I messed crud up or letting me know that you would like to be linked.

So, I got a new cellular phone the other day. It isn't brand new, per se, but it is new to me. You see, I had a Nokia (hardcore phones), but some of the major buttons weren't working (the 3, the 5, the space) up to their maximum capacity. I shared my dismays with the general public and I got someone's old RAZR out of it. This means that for once in my life, I have a camera phone. I know you might be sick of me posting pictures of myself, but I'm still enjoying posting pictures of myself, so here are some more:

(This was the first picture I ever took with my new phone)

Don't stop reminding me that you were linked to my blog before I messed crud up or letting me know that you would like to be linked.

Tuesday, April 17, 2007

Problem solving skills

I was just fooling around and changed my template, and apparently that means that you lose all of your links. So, I need to be reminded of whose blogs I was linked to. Please respond by saying, "I."

Or, hope that I can find your blog by other means.

A photo journey: Mexico? No, Seattle

A few weeks ago, Lisa (No Doy, Professional Leisure Magazine) and I hit the road to see our beloved Nathaniel J. and CindyMindyPindy F. in Seattle. Here is our trip, in picture form. I'm sure you will find it as inspiring as it is long.
(captions correspond to photo beneath them)

The road to Seattle is long and merciless, so music is needed. Here's me trying to figure out why my version of TLC's "No Scrubs" doesn't have T-Boz's rap. (I have since purchased the rap version ["Let me give you something to think about. Inundate your mind with intentions to turn you out."])

The sun was shining on April the 4, so we needed our shades.
And we needed to look rad.

When we finally made it, I wanted to see how I looked with Seattle.
Look how cute and chubby I've become.

Nathaniel is shocked at how that car was able to drive straight through us. I was kind of mad it even tried.

Mullets are not funny. They are pretty.

After a morning of sleeping in, Lisa introduced me to The Dish. We each took time to have a photo shoot there. Photo's take by me.
Lisa's: (the following is the look I get everytime I say something stupid)

(the below inspired today's blog title)


Then, we did close-ups.

After lunch, we drove by the famous Lusty Lady to see their latest genius marquee. I refuse to tell you what the words on the other side were.
Did you ever see that recurring bit on MadTV called "Lowered Expectations"?
This reminded me of it.Doing a drive-by of Jimi Hendrix and the Jr. Donnas

We eventually had to leave. Nathaniel decided to not get dressed up. Cindy did, and she even made us Easter treats, moving her up my personal social ladder.
My favorite thing about Seattle was the electronic 20 Questions game that Cindy had. One time I was thinking of poop and it guessed it.
I like it more than a friend.
Lisa got jealous and pretended to hate 20Q. She later reconciled and bought me my own for here in Utah.
We made sure to take about two hours to leave Seattle. First was a stop at Trader Joe's where I bought dried cranberries and saw some gross lady's crack. Then, we ate at the place Lisa used to go instead of going to seminary: Lil' Johns. I wanted to get more text messages during the drive home than Lisa, so I took the time that we were waiting for our food to send out messages to cool folks that said something like: "I hope your Easter is EGG-cellent." Most people didn't respond until late into the night.
Lisa freaked out while remembering how big Lil' John's pancakes are.
I looked her square in the eye and said (while simultaneously taking another self-portrait), "You can eat it. I believe in you."
You can understand her trepidation.
We finally made it home at 3 a.m., the last few hours were scary because I kept falling asleep. I also missed an exit while we were in Idaho.