Monday, October 13, 2008

The bad thing about being on auto-pilot is I am not a plane

I fancy myself an indivual -- a person who doesn't spend his days merely following the masses where'er they may go -- just like everyone else in the world. Well maybe really cool people admit they follow sometimes, but I'm not quite ready to admit that I am that cool yet.

I have been working on something lately, though, that betrays my sense of individuality. See, I've noticed that when I am a leader of a line at a stop light, I wait for somebody else to make the first move when our light turns green. It's almost like I don't believe my eyes.

Eyes: "It's green."
Me: "Maybe. Let's verify."
Eyes: "You're a pansiotic moron."
Me: "Better safe than sorry."
Eyes: "Hey, Idiot, what bad is going to happen when you follow the most basic rule of driving: green means go?"
Me: "You make a good arguement."
Eyes: "Never do it again."

But I always do it again. Mine eyes never betray me, but I constantly betray mine eyes.

Yes, this might be mostly some kind of Post-traumatic syndrome, but I think it is a bigger issue. I've become a coaster. To an extent, I have figured out how to just show up to life and survive. Instead of learning things, I merely learn how to do them.

Example one (of many): In school, I have this class that requires me to make graphs and compare means based on information. I'm great at performing these functions, but when it came time to take a test on them last week, I had no idea how to translate my outputs into an answer.

Example two (of many):For work at my new job, I have had to learn stuff on a computer. We got a new system last week, and not knowing exact things from the last program have made learning the new one difficult. Someone will say, "Oh, that's just like ______ was in the old one." This is just confusing to me. Luckily, the new system breaks down a lot (they've been called 'hiccups'), so I have had a lot of time to do things like drop his blog.

Example three (of many): I don't memorize lyrics to songs anymore. It could be because of my pod I no longer listen to albums over and over, instead setting my pod to shuffle, but I think it is because I listen to a song and then mentally move on.

Some people are afraid of robots taking over the world, I'm more afraid of becoming a robot.

So, to start myself on the road to becoming human again (goal: before I get married [so I will understand all the honeymoon stuff]), I now try to be the first one off the line at every light where I lead a line. It's what true leaders and individuals do. Green means go again. No means yes.


ram said...

your new name is Data - whether it's the Star Trek version or the Goonies one, is all up to you. That's free will, Bee-ya!

I really hope you choose Goonies man.

Brad K. said...

I don't know about that first off the line analogy when talking about "honeymoon stuff" but maybe you are saying something different.

Lee said...

I laughed.

Ram- I don't know which Data to choose. They both have their strenghts and draw-backs.

marshall p said...


Gatsby said...

I am like you with the green light hesitation - and also not memorising songs anymore.

But unlike you I do fear robots taking over the world.

Lee said...


Krispy said...

I know what you mean about memorizing song lyrics. They used to stick in my head like fly paper. I used to play this game with my friends, called "living jukebox" where they'd name a song like "I Need Love by LL Cool J" and I could sing (rap) an entire verse of it. But my fly paper mechanism isn't as sticky as it used to be. I think it's part of being a grown-ass person.

Oh, and as someone who is still languishing in newlywed-hood, the honeymoon stuff is pretty freaking awesome (no pun intended).

Lee said...

It had better be, Krisp.