"We were past the point of debating the wisdom of this move; it was already done and our only hope was to get to the other side."*

Here are the pictures of my March 14 to March 17 trip to Seattle to spend dude time with Nathaniel. I know, finally, right?














The above pictures were taken with Nathaniel's camera, the below with my camera, which is really Lisa's camera. The following pictures are in alphabetical order. For more on this trip, look here or lend your ear here.





























* = Hunter S. Thompson, from "Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas"

Lloyd, Lloyd, null and void

I don't really think you understand what I meant when I said what I said

This is the end of an instant message conversation I had with Lisa (aka me) on Monday night/Tuesday morning. It ended badly.

leland: I thin,
I'm falling aslweep
I better go to bed.
me: yeah, me too
did you read my bwog?
you don't have to if you're tired
it's all stuff you already know
leland: no
I am too tired.
me: ok
goodnight
leland: I keep falig aspee
me: aspee
leland: good night
me: bye
leland: I know, sorry.
bae wor
dab
ad
bad
bad word
me: what?
leland: goog night.
good night.
me: goodnight
leland: I keep spelingi sutff
FFFFFFFFF
me: you are funny
leland: I keep spelling tsuff woring
me: go to bed
leland: RRRRRRRRRRRRR
I can't to thids right
RRRRRRRRRRRr
me: poor tired wittle guy
leland: Good night.
bye
me: bye

(Lisa saved the convo and emailed it to me the next day)

We could do more outdoor things if we weren't so busy getting busy

So, how was my trip to Seattle? Nice, thank you for asking politely. I really wanted to blog about it, and will eventually post at least pictures. See, school's just been really busy lately. And when I am not busy with school, I am getting busy with Lisa.

Anyway, until I post pictures, listen to this here. It tells most of my weekend in Seattle, anyway. (also, feel free to subsribe to that there podcast)

Quit your job and run away

Me vs. Seattle, part three, starts in about an hour. This time, no girls allowed.

My girl is hip-hop

I can feel it coming in the air tonight, oh Lord

I wrote this on 30 March 2005, back when I blogged exclusively on myspace. Some folks have been saying unfair things about Phil Collins lately, including her. It reminded me of this blog I wrote almost three years ago.

I had what I like to call an "Easy Listening Day" on Monday. On these days I don't feel like listening to any of my albums or sports radio, instead I want to listen to the radio. And not those hip stations all your friends are talking about. Those stations that people that work in offices play. FM 100, Kozy 106.5, 97.9 The Breeze, a little bit of the B98.7. I just feel like some easy listening hits. I recognize on Monday how hard it is to listen to these stations without hearing a Phil Collins song. That dude has a lot of hits out. Some good, some bad. Interesting character. He is a short bald guy with a big head and the face of a child molester and the demeanor of a serial killer. Yet, he cranks out the hits. Oh, and he can't dance. Has anyone seen that movie he was in? He may have been in more than one, but the one I am talking about he was a criminal/family man in Ye Olde Country. It was a bit of a dark film. His wife was begging him to stop his thievery, but he felt some kind of obligation. I don't know exactly, I missed the first part and I didn't quite get it. Then one of his hits played at the end as he got arrested or escaped or something. I watched the end of this with my exgirl about a week after we broke up officially and a day before she went away for the semester a few years back. After the movie ended, we madeout for the last time. [You Know How I Do editor's note: this last part isn't supposed to sound as sad as it does. It was written as kind of a braggadocio moment. I thought about rewriting it to make is sound like I should have, but that wouldn't be fair to my 24 year-old self (and I found it hard to phrase it differently).]
Anyhoo, these "Easy Listening Days" are some of my favorites. So peaceful. You can't force a day like this, though. It has to happen.

That blog reminded me how I always like stuff I write about two years after I wrote it. I was given a missionary journal a few weeks before my mission, and I had about three entries in their that were written before the MTC that are bank.

Hurry to Murray. After all, you know this guy.

Blogs these days....you know how they do. Or don't. It seems that just as getting a blog was the bombdotorg a year or so ago, ditching that blog has become the new awesome (not updated since Valentines day, only two posts this year) right now.

But not this blog, no. Don't call it a comeback, not because we've been here for years but because I don't know how great it will become. One blog, though, that has made a comeback is Nathaniel's. Nathaniel is a filthy fellow, of Gentle Tyrants Podcast fame. Which reminds me, if you are looking for a podcast that plays nice music, is funny, talks about Twin Peaks, dagwood sandwiches, movies, hittin' it, and teaches you more about Seattle and features Chris Allman sometimes, then this is the podcast for you. Also, I might be on it in a few weeks. I mean, it has maybe been mentioned in an IM conversation that I might be invited to be on it. It might be a weak podcast that week, but a dream come true for me. For those not good at connecting the dots, yes, I am going to Seattle to dude-out with Nathaniel. The weekend will be a bust if we don't end up at the Lusty Lady.

A blog that isn't so much making a comeback, as it is coming out of the blog closet is my woman Lisa's. Go and see what all my fuss is about. Last May, we decided we needed to answer the question of how long we have been dating, so we selected a date of when we started. We also wanted a day to celebrate every month. We chose March the fifth, which is today. I know I did as much in a text message this morning, but Happy 12 Months, Lisa. You are a total babe all the time.
Oh, and she also has an etsy store. I am a fashion consultant on some of the stuff she makes. It is the stuff that doesn't sell, mostly. Donate to You Know How I Do's treat fund by buying her stuff. The more money she makes, the more cookies I eat.
Oh, part two, send one up to the Lord for Lisa as she is getting plastic surgery this Friday. Not the boob or face-tightening kind (that's not how she do nor how she need to do), but the kind where they take a disgusting (hardly noticable) cyst out from above her right eye.
Lisa's really cool.

Another thing, hopefully my old friend/hair stylist Krista can have a baby soon. I mean, the impregnation has already take place, so has the waiting nine months. It's just the popping out that needs to occur.

One thing that this blog needs to know is that I moved out of my parents house. Last February. If I remember correctly, this was never officially discussed. It was always something I meant to do, but before I knew it, I was back at my folks' home after six months and two houses with two great roommates, one being Jefe, who never updates his blog anymore, but congratulations are in store as he has become engaged.

I digress. So, I finally had the funds to move out again, this time to Murray with Damian (yes, the appendix joke king) and Danny. It's pretty great. It is a bit of a struggle, though, because their jokes are so clearly much better than mine that it puts me to shame. I think I have become the quiet roommate. You know, the one that will snap at any minute, walk out the door in the middle of the night and never come back. Yup. I'll keep you abreast of that.

Again, I digress. Despite my insecurities, the new place has been nice. Me and Damian have taken to watching Band of Brothers at night and Danny and I seem to have a nice conversation every five days or so (he is also celebrating a birthday tomorrow). Oh, and so far the haven't made fun of me for not yet fully unpacking my stuff. Which reminds me, I need to pay rent.

To summarize:
Blogs are back in, haven't you heard?
Lisa: pretty.
Me and Lisa: 12 months of frenching.
Lisa: plastic surgery, not the boob kind.
Jefe, write a blog, quit being so whipped.
Me, Damian, and Danny: roommates4eva.

Literal Movie Titles

Don't look now, but there is a movie coming out called Midnight Meat Train.

One comment is unnacceptable

My woman rear-ended me. What more do you readers want?

The heartbeat of America

From January 7th to the 24th, I was driving this:

Once I got the spacing down, it was a lot of fun. That baby does well on the open road and it was fun to drive in the snow. I would search out snow drifts so that I could plow through them. Remember that huge snowstorm on Human Rights Day? I drove up Parley's in the sumb___h with nary a problem.

Yes, for two weeks, this machine defined me. If you would have looked me up in the dictionary during that 17-day period, you'd find a different explanation than at any other time in my life. Anybody who happened to be around me probably noticed some not-so-subtle differences in my attitude. Like I had bigger muscles or something. People treat you differently when you drive something like that. Lisa said the truck suited me (her words, not mine) and did pretty much whatever I asked her to the entire time. Lucky for her, a man who drives one of those is pretty self-sufficient and doesn't ask much of his woman or anyone else.

People also remember you when you roll in a vehicle like that. One day, I had to park in a pay parking lot at school twice, and the fellow who took my money said, "Hey, weren't you just here?" So, I says to the guy, "Yeah. I didn't get here early enough to park somewhere further away." Which probably didn't surprise him, because someone in a Chevrolet like that comes and goes when he pleases.

Yup, besides the difficulty in parking that em-effer, that was a good 17 days....

"Then why aren't you driving it anymore?" you ask.

"Because it weren't mine."

"Then why were you driving it?" you inquire.

"Good question. Here's why:"

....Tuesday night, 11 December 07, I left Lisa's house to go to Becky's birthday party. Lisa was following me. "My Debutant" by Chixdiggit had just played on my Pod and "The Universal" by blur was currently playing. I pulled up to a stoplight, minding my own business. The car next to me and I both thought that our light was about to turn green, and in the anticipation, we inched forward. Instead, the turn-arrow went green, so we both stop. Next thing I know, I am getting plowed from behind by youknowwho. My back window was now lying in shattered pieces on me and on the seats of my car. My spare tire was now lying on the ground. My world would never be the same.

Here's the damage:

And the perpetrator's damage:

"We can't stop this thing from what it's going to be."

Dear Bacon: I'm serious

A kid discovered some bacon some time ago. He could see it was a delicious slab of bacon, but he held off in chomping on it. For no specific reason really, he just did. The moment soon came where he couldn't wait any longer. That bacon had been making a good case for being eaten for more than a month, and it was time to cook it up in its own grease. But, when he went in for the first bite, the bacon felt cold. It was probably all that time in the refridgerator. Duh, of course it was. The kid thought he had thawed it enough, but found that he needed just a little bit more time. The kid finally got more aggressive in his thaw techniques, and that night he ate the highest quality of bacon that there is.

"Do you want to go for a ride?" he said.

"Where to?" she said.

"To Smith's. I need some school supplies," he said.

"You should get one of those rotisserie chickens," she said.

"Okay," he said.

I am your girl and I will protect you

The best thing about having a woman is the sweaters she buys me; sometimes randomly, other times on a celebrated holiday. The second-best thing about having a woman is making out when people aren't around. Third place is making nachos.

I know my readers, and I know they are reading this blog to see pictures of me in sweaters. And, as per usual, I will not disappoint.

Background: You will probably notice that it doesn't look very much like Christmas day in the first pictures. Good eye, Reader. It was actually 22 December when me and The Lisa exchanged our gifts on account of her going on a Christmas cruise to the Mexico. Don't feel bad for me, I took so many naps while she was gone.

I know, I know....."Bring on the sweaters!" Well, here they are:

(Here we are, showing off my sweater and the book that we both gave to each other ["What Is The What" by Dave Eggers])

(I'm trying to do a model pose in this one, but to no avail)

(look at my acne)

(Lisa, already enjoying the Common cd I got her)

(Last Saturday, Lisa went to Deseret Industries and bought that jacket for her and this sweater [and the shirt underneath] for me. Until we saw this picture, neither Lisa nor I knew that she was dating a giant)

(Look how chubby I've become.)

It isn't pornographic if you are talking about insects

First day of school today.
Yesterday I wrote in the 2008 planner that Lisa gave me, "School starts, fun ends." I can't wait until this crap is over. I can't wait until the day when I sing, "No more homework, no more books. No more teacher's dirty looks," and mean it for more than just a few months. I am pretty certain that I will make a great graduated person.

This morning, when I woke up at the time that I usually go to bed, I was pretty bummed about the prospect of more education, and I half-asleep sent Lisa a text message expressing my displeasure.



Me: School, man.

Lisa: BONER KILLER.

I am a butterfly

People keep asking me, "Who are you?" I don't know what to say besides, "Who am I in abstract? In general? I can't help but ask these questions." (If you get this crack, I will clear a special place in my heart and arteries for you.)

Who are any of us, anyway? We are people with guts and skin and crap (literally and unliterally). And, we are personalities. So, without further adieu (for the time being, at least; 2008 will be full of adieus, I think, okay?), here is your personality. Mine, actually, but yours is just a click away.

You Are An ENTP

The Visionary You are charming, outgoing, friendly. You make a good first impression.You possess good negotiating skills and can convince anyone of anything.Happy to be the center of attention, you love to tell stories and show off.You're very clever, but not disciplined enough to do well in structured environments. In love, you see everything as a grand adventure. You enjoy taking risks for love.And if things don't work out, you're usually not too much worse for the wear! You would make a great entrepreneur, marketing executive, or actor. At work, you need a lot of freedom to pursue your own path and vision. How you see yourself: Analytical, creative, and peaceful When other people don't get you, they see you as: Detached, wishy-washy, and superficial

What's" Your Personality Type?

(giving credit where credit is due: I got this from Lisa)

Buzz words, pt. 1

Ombudsman

om·buds·man /ˈɒmbədzmən, -ˌmæn, -bʊdz-, ˈɔm-, ɒmˈbʊdzmən, -ˌmæn, ɔm-/

1.
a government official who hears and investigates complaints by private citizens against other officials or government agencies.
2.
a person who investigates and attempts to resolve complaints and problems, as between employees and an employer or between students and a university.