Handshake Earthquake

Judith Bowman and Protocol Consultants International says:

"There is really only one correct way to shake hands here in America: - connect the "v"; between the thumb and index finger of your left hand with the "v" between the thumb and index finger of your right hand --- one to two "pumps"; and make eye contact!

Note: a good firm grasp is key; avoid sweaty palms by washing hands thoroughly before the anticipated handshake, using soap and drying thoroughly. There is nothing worse than a clammy handshake - a clammy handshake is the "kiss of death"!

The person who initiates the handshake is generally the person in control - which is what you want."

If ony that solved everything. Today, I visted Shade Clothing to pick up a key so I could come to where I currently am and watch a football game that doesn't start for a bit. While there, I was introduced to a couple of people who were female. I hope things didn't get awkward, but they might have. I was sitting in a comfortable office chair when I was introduced to the first woman. I figured a smile, a nod, and a "Sup, dog?" would be enough of a greeting. Especially since she had a box in her hand. Then she put her box down. Now, it is absolutely possible that she didn't put the box down to shake my hand; and if she did want to shake my hand, she did a great job of saving herself (and my self) some awkwardness by making it look like she put the box down for another reason. Not knowing her intentions notwithstanding, this got in my head. A few minutes later, I was introduced to another employee and by this point I was a social mess. I didn't know what to do. So, I did what I would do in most situations where I don't know what to do: I just stood there and said, "Hi."

On the drive back, I kept thinking, "What's the social protocol for shaking hands with someone of the opposite sex?"

Until about a year ago, this was a non-issue for me. I shook their hands. Then I was talking to my friend Annabelle and she told me that boys should never shake a girl's hand. This killed me. Then she showed me how to do what we called a 'sensual handshake,' in case I got in a situation where I had to shake the hand of a female. Such handshakes are tough to pull off, so I scrapped the idea and just stopped shaking hands. Besides, I think the 'sensual handshake' was more creepy than effective.

Until today, I think I had gotten over the handshake issue. Maybe the whole thought that I shouldn't shake hands with ladies is sexist, anyhow. But that isn't what this is about. This is about social protocol. I've decided that I will shake hands with females. If Lance Armstrong can shake hands with steriods, then I can shake hands with girls.

Bad Religion said, "Handshakes are nothing but a solemn f___ you." Yeah, maybe.